Zoe Grace: Shocked.

Zoe has been struggling so much these last couple of weeks with random fevers, low O2 saturations (high 50's to low 70's), zero energy, heavier and quicker than normal breathing and turning blue more often when she cries.  It has been WEEKS since we have seen anything close to a smile.  She sleeps all day and all night, only waking up in discomfort to to cough and cry.  

I called our pediatrician last Thursday because Zoe had yet another low grade fever.  She had been getting them so frequently, that I had to call.  Dr. Kao was not in the office, but Dr. Sweeney (who has seen Zoe before) wanted to see her as soon as possible to take a look.  After the exam, he didn't find anything terribly alarming... other than her low sats.  He sent us home and told us he would call Dr. King the next day to discuss possibilities.  He called back later the next day and said that Dr. King wanted us to keep checking her sats and not to change anything.  After a rough weekend, Dr. King's nurse called yesterday to see how the weekend went and how Zoe was doing.  I explained all of her symptoms and the nurse said that we would hear back from Dr. King.  

I got an alarming call this morning from the cardiology surgery scheduler, explaining that after much discussion with our pediatrician, Dr. King has decided that Zoe needs her next heart surgery sooner than later... next Wednesday, August 22nd. 

We will go in on Tuesday for a pre-op appointment to go over pre-admitting and meet with Dr. Iguidbashian, our amazing peds cardio surgeon.  On Wednesday, we will check in at 6am and she will be taken back for sedation at 7:30am.  They will do an MRI at 8:30am, review the scans and then take her to the OR for surgery.  

At 4 months old, our tiny little lovebug has endured open heart surgery, a sternal wound infection, stroke, seizures, gastrostomy tube, numerous pokes and medications and so much more.  We are in for another hospital adventure with the next surgery, and although we knew it was approaching... I was nowhere near prepared for it to be so soon.  

I am grateful that our medical team is mindful of Zoe's condition and would like to be better safe than sorry.  Initially, I was caught off guard with the news and went into complete panic mode.  But after some thought, I am relieved that she is finally getting the next surgery and have all the hope in the world that this will help her to live, rather than just survive this life.  Her body works so hard to just be, that she doesn't get to be a happy baby.  

Our only answer is surgery and more surgery. 

I don't know how prepared we are to do this all over again... not being able to hold her, watching the monitors and dreading the alarms, the tedious ICU stay, hoping and praying to move down to the 4th floor and all of the unexpected curves that get thrown at us.  But most of all... not having our family together and under the same roof.  I know we are all in God's hands and without him, we would not have gotten this far.  But it is going to be so difficult to have Zoe in such critical condition in the hospital, Londyn all over the place and Andrew juggling everything to get through this last term of school.  

We've done it before and we'll do it again.