tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-78743836252129265622024-03-13T22:48:08.694-07:00Armitage HomeA family's journey after child loss.The Armitage Familyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04431564775819384497noreply@blogger.comBlogger688125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7874383625212926562.post-2208659973413242392014-08-31T00:14:00.001-07:002014-08-31T00:14:26.778-07:00The Eve<div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;">On this night... the Eve of our child's last breath on this earth, I don't really know what to do with myself. Sleeping is hard enough while I'm pregnant and with this kind of anxiety, near impossible.</span></div><div><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><br></span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;">I</span><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"> have been reading some of the posts written in the last few days of Zoe's life and am struck with so much emotion. </span></div><div><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><br></span></div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><i>"We have been struggling with the decision of when to take our baby off of life support. How do you make that decision? How about never? Although comfortable and not feeling pain, it is selfish to keep her hanging on any longer. Her poor body has done all that it can. We want to give her peace and rest. I have been fighting with the question of when... when will I be ready? But that is not my decision. It is Zoe's. <br><br>Andrew's mom composes a beautiful piano piece for each grandchild and last night we crawled into bed and listened to Zoe's song. It starts out so sweet and fragile, just like Zoe. It then works up to a deep and strong middle... which reminded me of the struggle and pain that Zoe has suffered. The song then finishes with a beautiful and almost heavenly ending. We both shed many tears from beginning to end, followed by peace in knowing that she is ready. She is ready now."</i></span><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><i><br></i></span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;">I remember this feeling so vividly. I can see myself sitting in our PICU room typing late at night... sorting through the chaos of feelings leading up to the most important decision we will ever make as parents. Quoted above was the most powerful experience I have ever been blessed with. The assurance of peace was heartbreaking and freeing at the same time. I felt so defeated with the great loss before us. But I knew Zoe was ready. It was her time. </span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><br></span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;">I was tearing up tonight with Andrew because he has to work tomorrow and I dread being alone on such a difficult day. I dread facing Londyn's meltdowns over missing her sister without my husband to soothe both of us. It's days like this that make the expression "I can do hard things" an understatement. But is there any other option? Of course. I could completely lose it and give up. But will that help me to grow closer to my Father in Heaven? Absolutely not. It is these challenges that we are faced with in order to stretch ourselves and reach our full potential as God's children</span><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">. It isn't always pretty but its life. There is always a choice. </span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><br></span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;">Lately when Londyn is pouting over a typical 5 year old end-of-the-world issue, I ask the question, "Are you going to choose to be happy or sad?" The keyword to this question is "choose." There is always a choice. </span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><br></span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;">Easier said than done. </span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><br></span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;">Some days... I choose to stay in bed for a much needed "Mental Health Day" and others I make the choice to fight through the grief and move forward with Zoe in my head and heart. </span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><br></span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;">Tonight Andrew said, "maybe it will be easier by her 10 year." At first I thought, it has to be! But the reality is that it will probably never be easier... more predictable but not easier. And that's just going to have to be okay.</span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><br></span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg7SKp2BQV4RdRt9dpdJkN1rUI27XsiRCF0XFb3F5pmXDBRFVXBwc3xE6pKo_Nvi8E45cyYyQDdSnEuEN5nSl_afmKLTaBmAFDn220sBouYP1P_FgLX9VK0-rJWsUoMXYL1CHxR3zjF8iI/s640/blogger-image-182948211.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg7SKp2BQV4RdRt9dpdJkN1rUI27XsiRCF0XFb3F5pmXDBRFVXBwc3xE6pKo_Nvi8E45cyYyQDdSnEuEN5nSl_afmKLTaBmAFDn220sBouYP1P_FgLX9VK0-rJWsUoMXYL1CHxR3zjF8iI/s640/blogger-image-182948211.jpg"></a></div><br></span></div>The Armitage Familyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04431564775819384497noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7874383625212926562.post-71389334586077715162014-08-29T16:40:00.000-07:002014-08-29T22:20:03.983-07:002 Year Angelversary<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">It's that time again... we wear red, release balloons, look at pictures, reminisce of bittersweet memories, visit the cemetery and try not to lose it completely. It's been 2 years since our family was complete... without a hole in our family photos and in our hearts. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Two years ago, we were spending our last few precious days with Zoe in the hospital. We had made the dreadful decision to set her free from life support, tubes, pricks and pokes. We knew that the only way for her to find peace was to return to our Father in Heaven. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">August 24, 2012</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">August 25, 2012</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">August 26, 2012</span></div>
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August 27, 2012</div>
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August 28, 2012</div>
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2 Years Ago Today - August 29, 2012</div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Life over the past two years has been excruciating at times. At others, I feel more joy than I ever knew possible. The lessons that our daughter Zoe continues to teach not only us, but many... begin</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">with what's really important in this life and in the eyes of God. Family and Faith are continuously leading us back to her. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">July 4, 2012</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">A lifetime apart is a long time, but eternity together is worth the wait. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">I watched our Zoe video yesterday which opened the floodgates of grief. It's like turning back the clock and I'm right back in that raw, heavy hearted state. Andrew and Lulu joined me halfway through and we just held each other. Lulu started crying hysterically towards the end. She has been asking for Zoe more than usual lately. I don't know if she senses the anniversary approaching or if she's having Zoe Days but the poor thing was a mess. It is so unbelievably painful to watch your young one grieve her sibling and what could have, would have been. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">She says "I wish Zoe could have stayed with us. I think this baby will stay." Ever since last night, Lulu has been very sensitive. It breaks our hearts to see her sort through the pain.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">It's intriguing to imagine what Zoe is doing in Heaven, preparing our little one to come to our family and sharing her wisdom with others. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">I know our daughter served her purpose here on earth. In this life, I don't know or understand why her time had to be so short. But I can foresee an eternal understanding once this life leads into the next. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Today has been a family day. We went to the park where Lulu was running happily and accidentally sunk her foot in a a bunch of mud. Andrew found her shoe eventually. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">After getting cleaned up and a quick change, we went and sat in our Zoe booth at Red Robin, one of the few public places we shared with our angel. Booth #21 means a lot to us and has become a tradition for each anniversary and birthday. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Following lunch we headed to the cemetery to clean Zoe's headstone, place new flowers and release balloons. We each wrote a message on the balloons to be sent to Zoe. </span></div>
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We love and miss you so much Zoe Grace. Not a day goes by that you don't fill our thoughts and hearts. Until we meet again...</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br></div>
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The Armitage Familyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04431564775819384497noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7874383625212926562.post-60764439360266007082014-07-22T21:32:00.001-07:002014-07-23T10:17:05.489-07:00Breaking the SilenceMy blogging days have become a thing of the past because let's be honest, life has happened and that's more important right? Nevertheless, I could use a good therapy sesh with the great blogosphere... so here I am. <div><br></div><div>So much has happened since my last update. My parents have been on their mission in Guatemala for 5 months now. They are busy serving The Lord one tooth extraction at a time. Andrew and I will be visiting them next month for 9 days! We will be touring the area, helping in the clinic and experiencing the life of our favorite missionaries. </div><div><br></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiePG1BgwjzX8mevZ6AdgL7vR_4CVJB1rVNCUt3R9jcUzQEw0WTfebALaaAQlKQljmgwBTK0FQeUAKUCcLxaIPoHdG3BitbJ8dWA4qn-yoqV-946Ww9mawUzSrKye4koDhyphenhyphenAxPFR7AMLKk/s640/blogger-image-493522557.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiePG1BgwjzX8mevZ6AdgL7vR_4CVJB1rVNCUt3R9jcUzQEw0WTfebALaaAQlKQljmgwBTK0FQeUAKUCcLxaIPoHdG3BitbJ8dWA4qn-yoqV-946Ww9mawUzSrKye4koDhyphenhyphenAxPFR7AMLKk/s640/blogger-image-493522557.jpg"></a></div><br></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhnkLtRZ7hAMmf8vBPr1D51TBwvzH0cLnVz3Ko0sFtUEE36m5rIPvqas7NJmauY2LIUzfND_ZPEUVtxWTr3mlpmYwAWQzmcbCAKUC7moOENmkFQOtV4X4GjpnBGHwBKArFKVc1UIssEzD0/s640/blogger-image--2026258383.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhnkLtRZ7hAMmf8vBPr1D51TBwvzH0cLnVz3Ko0sFtUEE36m5rIPvqas7NJmauY2LIUzfND_ZPEUVtxWTr3mlpmYwAWQzmcbCAKUC7moOENmkFQOtV4X4GjpnBGHwBKArFKVc1UIssEzD0/s640/blogger-image--2026258383.jpg"></a></div><div><br></div>Follow their mission adventure at www.guatemolar.blogspot.com</div><div><br></div><div>I concluded my second year of business with the Amazing Grace Dancers with a fantastic recital. It was another year of learning and teaching, all with Zoe as my motivation. </div><div><br></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEitSyHcbpkR6yHMLExLXUfpq9frc-ffxqBLj91leuUg0e1Cu5oMdsHJX2D8Sumcbp0d6o2-a2z6xYBnwIpKDqzUV_tyZJ4pHIr-xt-_LdErzem2ny4zcE0IULEkm5yMTomzhO7jlwThKD8/s640/blogger-image-1386291732.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEitSyHcbpkR6yHMLExLXUfpq9frc-ffxqBLj91leuUg0e1Cu5oMdsHJX2D8Sumcbp0d6o2-a2z6xYBnwIpKDqzUV_tyZJ4pHIr-xt-_LdErzem2ny4zcE0IULEkm5yMTomzhO7jlwThKD8/s640/blogger-image-1386291732.jpg"></a></div><br></div><div>Lulu finished her last year of preschool with Miss Rebecca. She is so ready for kindergarten and I am so not! Where does the time go?!</div><div><br></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjcpSFXnz49zL20HTsSJybVifaSswJSBQGHhwAiz3Aml4Ah9jNsofIJYmZCNXSrcJBg-rNUk4Er4Urthi6dh9wLj2qAxbpwd8GoMlW2IWOi1-QxAhSxW-sPsrrNGpiMGZOjtohgJhJsVGw/s640/blogger-image--1009789169.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjcpSFXnz49zL20HTsSJybVifaSswJSBQGHhwAiz3Aml4Ah9jNsofIJYmZCNXSrcJBg-rNUk4Er4Urthi6dh9wLj2qAxbpwd8GoMlW2IWOi1-QxAhSxW-sPsrrNGpiMGZOjtohgJhJsVGw/s640/blogger-image--1009789169.jpg"></a></div><br></div><div>Our biggest and most exciting news is that I am pregnant with baby #3. I can't believe that I have been pregnant for 24 months of my life so far! We will find out the gender next month, August 21st. Baby is due January 6th, 2015.</div><div><br></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEit1yNDhxgQoVBIkyCXCO3hzEIYzy7nF43KjBhANsxRG2Z-mZzU5f5Bpx_3E0rIW62A3780jJo33UW2b3tTJMMXhqTyeAD80qWRHzTw7Qj81ytRH8Et9qY4m6e1UutBaRb9Yz7lyaUcJLk/s640/blogger-image--1213265029.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEit1yNDhxgQoVBIkyCXCO3hzEIYzy7nF43KjBhANsxRG2Z-mZzU5f5Bpx_3E0rIW62A3780jJo33UW2b3tTJMMXhqTyeAD80qWRHzTw7Qj81ytRH8Et9qY4m6e1UutBaRb9Yz7lyaUcJLk/s640/blogger-image--1213265029.jpg"></a></div><br></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhSIEAgN80iZSYXtZyeVQbFy5AVytYnp57II7-wQathJgbL-N-8Q69jDZxN5OpYWvmjvrqwvYB4ngXjgkeACSc61BOxTuzE6LFNDwnCnVx6-8HsW066Y8bAoMzlBFIlcsa1E33bHA-CvPk/s640/blogger-image-637531026.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhSIEAgN80iZSYXtZyeVQbFy5AVytYnp57II7-wQathJgbL-N-8Q69jDZxN5OpYWvmjvrqwvYB4ngXjgkeACSc61BOxTuzE6LFNDwnCnVx6-8HsW066Y8bAoMzlBFIlcsa1E33bHA-CvPk/s640/blogger-image-637531026.jpg"></a></div><br></div><div>I have heard countless times "since Zoe's condition wasn't genetic,<b> </b>there's very little chance <i>it </i>will happen again. Everything is going to be okay." The reality is that I have been the 1 in 110 statistic of carrying a child with a severe heart defect. I know first hand that everything isn't "always going to be okay." </div><div><br></div><div>Pregnancy after child loss adds a whole new level of crazy to the hormones that simultaneously make us glow and bite peoples heads off at the same time. I look back and think "how was I so naive the last two times?" Then there are moments where I wish I was still that naive and not up all night worrying before every appointment, fearing that I won't hear my baby's heartbeat.</div><div><br></div><div>About 20 minutes after putting Londyn to bed last night, I heard her crying. When I went to check on her she was looking at the "Dear Lulu" book that I made for her to remember her sister. Through her sobs, she said "I miss Zoe. Why couldn't she stay?" My heart sank. I wasn't prepared for this. It's been a while since Lulu has had a Zoe Day. We read "Dear Lulu," talked about our eternal family and then said a prayer for peace.</div><div><br></div><div>This 5 year old continues to long for her baby sister and it is so hard to watch her struggle with grief at such a young age. Does it ever get easier? </div><div><br></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgrPm3vaYnf1i-FbK7nTC0xeU5mtX9hhQckkKO6wbYxqGUaZM_Zl_Tvhm-YKgTo6mJl6Mbrgi4ZAnEF2KTdlGoowEIoSN5clDyWADNVFRMTqGkrsrUrY2D6tbCAWvHelO22IqCDt2SpT68/s640/blogger-image--1392199213.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgrPm3vaYnf1i-FbK7nTC0xeU5mtX9hhQckkKO6wbYxqGUaZM_Zl_Tvhm-YKgTo6mJl6Mbrgi4ZAnEF2KTdlGoowEIoSN5clDyWADNVFRMTqGkrsrUrY2D6tbCAWvHelO22IqCDt2SpT68/s640/blogger-image--1392199213.jpg"></a></div><br></div><div><div style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">Here is a great read about what it's like to be pregnant after losing a child. </div><div style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;"><a href="http://www.pregnancyafterlosssupport.com/11-things-not-to-say-to-the-mama-expecting-again-after-a-loss-2/">http://www.pregnancyafterlosssupport.com/11-things-not-to-say-to-the-mama-expecting-again-after-a-loss-2/</a></div></div>The Armitage Familyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04431564775819384497noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7874383625212926562.post-46695968302908772782014-04-11T15:22:00.002-07:002014-04-11T15:35:25.890-07:002 Years<div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Two years ago today, we welcomed a little piece of Heaven into our hearts and lives. We are forever changed. We are forever better because of Zoe.</span></div>
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I look at myself in these pictures and my heart hurts for the young mother that I see and the journey she is about to experience. I see the hope and fear in her eyes and want to tell her that she is stronger than she knows. That she is about to witness miracles, tender mercies and the greatest eternal lesson. I want to shake her and warn her of the excruciating pain that she is about to feel. But most of all, I want to tell her to never give up. Always trust in Him and you will get through another day.</div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">As a grieving parent, birthdays seem to be more difficult than the anniversary of death. The finality of her passing is easier to comprehend because we were there. We saw her slipping away and grow weaker until her body could handle no more. Birthdays are not that way. There is a layer of grief over what could have been and what will never be. It is for that reason that I think this 2nd birthday has been such a test of faith. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">I woke up today with more joy and enthusiasm than I have in the passed couple weeks. I immediately felt a near tangible break in the fog. My heart was full of gratitude and relief to celebrate with the ones I love most. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Londyn was so excited to wear all things red, including the necklace her Auntie Steph made with Zoe's picture on it. She also decided to take her photo album and elephant Gracie (whom she has grown very attached to as of late) to show and tell at school.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">When we picked her up from school, she showed us a chalk drawing of Zoe's headstone that she made. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">After school we went to Red Robin, one of the two restaurants that we went to with Zoe. We even sat at the same table.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Following lunch we released balloons and sang Happy Birthday at the cemetery. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">This day is so beautiful that I can practically feel her smile through the sunshine. It has truly been a Zoe day. Perfect in every way.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Happy Birthday sweet angel.</span></div>
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The Armitage Familyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04431564775819384497noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7874383625212926562.post-33637458220912613882014-04-07T15:43:00.001-07:002014-04-07T18:13:02.768-07:00The Fog<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Take a moment to recall the last time you drove on a thick and foggy morning. For my fellow Oregonians, this is what most every morning looks like to us. Driving in the fog can be undependable and weary at times. There are breaks in the fog, when the road looks clear... and others where you're white knuckling the steering wheel and just doing your best to keep your eyes on the dotted line. As I was driving Lulu to preschool this morning, I found myself in this very fog... physically, mentally and emotionally. </div>
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This past week has been really tough... like can't get out of bed tough. I am overwhelmed. I am sad, frustrated and overwhelmed. I am grieving. </div>
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The days have become longer and more difficult as Zoe's 2nd birthday approaches this Friday, April 11th. It just doesn't get easier, does it? I can't help but think of what it would be like if she were still here. My 2 and 5 year old daughters would be in matching Easter dresses and doing egg hunts together. There would be two filled baskets on Easter morning, instead of just one. My heart wouldn't know this continuous ache and I would feel "normal." </div>
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Last Friday, I just couldn't do it anymore. I couldn't pretend like everything was okay. I didn't want to pretend like I could do it all any longer. I stayed in bed catching up on my shows, crying and torturing myself with pictures of Zoe. Andrew got Lulu to school and brought me treats. He had a massage scheduled that day for himself and even called to have it transferred over to me. At least that got me to take a shower. After one of the best massages I've ever had, I couldn't help but crawl back into bed for more shows, crying and pictures. This whole time, Andrew never once tried to fix me. He just let me be me without feeling completely crazy and out of control. </div>
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Later that evening, we visited Zoe and replaced the Valentine's Day decor with Easter decorations that my mom had left for Zoe before going on their mission to Guatemala. It made me feel better to see all of the beautiful Spring colors and sun shining brightly. It was there that I started to feel a break in the fog. </div>
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Griefs journey never ends. It continues to humble and teach me that I cannot do it alone and that I don't ever have to. Listening to General Conference this past weekend could not have come at a more needed time. The messages from our Prophet and Apostles fed my soul with the hope and encouragement that I needed. </div>
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The fog is still grey but I'm taking it one morning at a time... </div>
The Armitage Familyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04431564775819384497noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7874383625212926562.post-61605655982144635972014-02-23T21:45:00.001-08:002014-02-23T21:45:56.268-08:00The Bigger PictureIt's hard to believe that in a month and a half, Zoe would have turned two years old. It can't be! How has that much time really passed since we welcomed our little angel into this world? Being a parent took on a whole new meaning. It wasn't about getting the hang of breast feeding and worrying about my postpartum body... it was about spending each and every possible moment with our child because it could easily be the last. <div>
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About four months after Zoe died, we started attending the Dougy Center, a place for families and especially children dealing with the death of a loved one. More on that was explained in this <a href="http://armitagehome.blogspot.com/2013/01/dougy-center.html">post</a>. It was so difficult at first but it was a relief to be around other grieving adults. Londyn enjoyed it at first, but after a few months she said she didn't want to go back anymore. I was concerned but with her sensitive little heart I didn't want to push it. After about six months, just out of the blue... she asked to go back again. We were put on a waiting list for a new opening in her age group and were able to go back to our first meeting on Thursday, February 13th. It was extra special because this time Andrew came too. Without hesitation, Londyn followed the kids and adult volunteers to the Little's group and Andrew and I went upstairs to the adult group. Parents sit and have an open discussion about their loss and coping with grief. In past group sessions I've attended, the other parents were grieving the loss of a spouse and only once was their another parent having lost a child. With that being said, I couldn't relate as well to the other adults as I hadn't, nor do I ever want to understand that kind of loss.</div>
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This time was much different than I've ever experienced before. A new couple was attending for the first time after losing their adoptive son to multiple congenital heart defects. My heart ached for them as I could see the raw pain that this mother was enduring. At one point someone asked how Londyn was doing. I explained that she has been struggling for a while as she is continuously worrying about her loved ones dying. I shared that some friends of ours recently lost their baby girl to a terminal illness and then our dear sweet pediatrician suddenly passed away in December with an aggressive cancer, which I shared in <a href="http://armitagehome.blogspot.com/2013/12/asking-why.html">this</a> post. Just then, a man sitting several seats away from us spoke up and said "I think that was my wife." I looked at him blankly for moment in shock. All I could think to say was "what?" He said "I think you are talking about my wife. She was a pediatrician. What was her name?" I drew a blank because I still couldn't believe that this could really be happening. I finally said, "Mindy Green." His eyes lit when he said "that's my wife." Tears welled up in my eyes as I sat there and told him how much we cherished his wife and how amazing she was with Londyn and I after losing Zoe. I told him that Mindy and I always talked about getting our girls together as they are the same age. It was beautiful and heartbreaking all at the same time to think that these girls were finally playing together downstairs in their group. It was truly an act of God that our paths crossed and I know Mindy was smiling at the sight of our girls playing together at the Dougy Center. After our group was over, he came up to me and said "I feel like I need to give you a hug." Before we left he invited us to lunch at a nearby burger joint. It was an amazing day. </div>
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We visited Zoe's grave yesterday. It had been a few weeks since we last visited. I love seeing all of the red hearts and flowers that my mom and dad decorated before they left on their mission. Londyn usually helps with the flowers and then runs off to explore the cemetery grounds. This used to bother me because I unrealistically expected our young child to sit and talk about Zoe during our visit. That's not what kids do. Now when I see Lulu running and talking to herself, I like to think that she is playing with her sister. This sweet thought always makes me smile.</div>
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Heavenly Father see's the bigger picture. There are days when I wish I could just take a peek. But how will I learn? How will I grow? In this life we are given opportunities to stretch ourselves and exercise our free agency to become the best version of ourselves. These opportunities come when least expected and test us, pulling our faith in every direction. Being Zoe's mother is the most painful blessing I will ever know. The 9 months that I carried her and 4 1/2 months that we had her here on this earth presented so many miracles and tender mercies that give me the strength to endure. I know that this sorrow is temporary and that one day the bigger picture will be revealed and all joy will be restored. Families are forever.</div>
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THIS is my bigger picture.</div>
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The Armitage Familyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04431564775819384497noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7874383625212926562.post-58550611447389297902014-02-11T21:47:00.000-08:002014-02-11T21:47:14.737-08:00Farewell <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
Celebrating an early Gotcha Day the night before our favorite new missionaries left for Utah. We've spent every Gotcha Day at this very Fuddruckers (except one year when I lived in Utah, my parents flew out and took my friends and I to Fuddruckers in Orem).</div>
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It only seems appropriate on the eve of my 28th Gotcha Day to blog about the amazing parents that my Heavenly Father chose for me on February 12th, 1987.<br />
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This would not have been the case several days ago as I was a blubbering idiot for the entire first week of their absence. It was pretty bad. I was falling apart over the littlest things. Being alone at night didn't help. I got teary over boiling zucchini in a specific pot, just because it reminded me of my dad. I know. Seriously?!<br />
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I think they knew how bad I had it because they called every day last week. I couldn't even hear my dad's voice without turning into a puddle. I have always joked about my separation anxiety since I couldn't even get through a sleepover as a youth without calling my dad in the middle of the night to come pick me up. My parents have always pointed the finger at adoption and abandonment. It doesn't help that these two have never given up on me. They have loved and cheered me on through the best and worst times. They adore Andrew and Londyn more than I could have ever imagined. They just don't make it easy to let go.</div>
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Living in their house doesn't help the situation either. I grew up in this house from the age of 7 and it was just the three of us for most of those years. This week has been much easier thus far and I don't white knuckle my phone at the hint of a text from what could be my mom anymore. Although Skyping with them for the first time last night was pretty awesome!<br />
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Londyn has always been very close with my parents. We have lived in the same house just 5 minutes away from them since the day she was born. When Zoe was in the hospital, Londyn lived with them off and on for days. There were times when I had no idea where, what or how she was doing but I always knew she was in good hands because I knew WHO she was with. She was with the next best thing, my parents. We rarely go more than two days without seeing Grandma and Grandpa, so this is a huge adjustment for her. After losing Zoe, Londyn's greatest fears aren't monsters under her bed or being afraid of the dark like a typical 4 year old. Her fears involve losing loved ones too soon. As we've prepared her for months about Gma & Gpa's mission, she has repeatedly said "I am not going to miss them." She frequently says this because saying "goodbye" or missing people makes her sad. She has already asked me if Grandma and Grandpa are going to die and not come back. It's so hard to know what to say when the shock of your child's curiosity takes your breath away. I have learned to take a moment... breathe... say a small prayer and do the best I can in the moment. The hardest part is that I can't give her any guarantees and our time with Zoe has taught us that very important life lesson. My parents and especially my mom have always been so sensitive to Londyn's grief. They were in the front lines with us before, during and after Zoe's journey and know what we went through. Before she left my Mom hid little surprises around the house with poems to help Lulu find them. She told Londyn that whenever she was missing her, she could open an envelope to find a special surprise and remember that Grandma loves her. Needless to say all five surprises were found within the first week! I couldn't believe that with all the madness and last minute preparation for their mission, my mom made the time to think about Lulu and how much she was going to miss her Grandma. <br />
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Family dinner after their mission farewell talks</div>
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The younger six grandkids went to John's Incredible Pizza and a sleepover with Gma & Gpa a week before they left for the MTC</div>
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My parents have always been a team of spiritual goodness but it's amazing to have a front row seat, watching them finally focus on themselves, simultaneously serving others. It's truly inspiring! </div>
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You want to know what else is inspiring? If you know my mom and dad, the difficult part about serving this mission isn't treating patients in a foreign country and speaking a new language. It's leaving their children and grandchildren for a year and a half. What a blessing it is to see my parents rely on their faith to go and do the Lord's work. There is nothing my parents could say that could prove their faith and love for our Savior Jesus Christ than this act alone. <br />
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My parents spent a few days with my awesome in-laws in Payson before heading into the MTC. My mom and mom-in-law Brendi are trouble!</div>
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Provo Temple and checking in to the MTC</div>
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At Sam Hawk (my favorite Korean restaurant) in Provo after their first week in the MTC</div>
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The Armitage Familyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04431564775819384497noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7874383625212926562.post-73331635002382359382014-01-28T21:41:00.001-08:002014-01-28T22:09:25.431-08:00Home is Where the Heart Is<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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At 8 AM tomorrow morning, we will pick up a U-Haul and once again do our best to embrace change. One might ask how I could be so hesitant when we're going from 1200 square feet to a whopping 4500 square feet, right next door to my favorite sister. With this move, we will gain quite a bit but we will lose a whole lot more... temporarily, of course. In just a few short days, my parents will enter the mission field for 18 months in Guatemala City, treating the oral surgical needs of local missionaries and orphans. Tears are starting to form... so I will save this topic for another day.</div>
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We aren't certain what the future may hold, but tonight might easily be our last night in this house. Five years ago, our move back to Portland was a surprise to both of us but the prompting to move was a blessing nonetheless. Having a home to fix up and make our own has also been a growing opportunity and brought us closer together. Just a few months before Londyn was born, we finally closed on this townhouse and after a record breaking number of trips to Home Depot, we were able to move into our very first home. I often reflect on who we were and what little I knew about life, love and my faith. I was the typical young LDS woman, smitten over my smokin' hot Marine (who I barely knew) and was giddy to play house. My life was all about date nights, decorating the nursery, folding lovely little pink outfits, trying out new recipes and waddling with as much grace as a I could muster in my third trimester. Life was normal. Life was naive and wrapped perfectly with a bright and shiny bow. </div>
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In my 27 years, I have been humbled by many life lessons. As a mother and a wife, I have learned many eternal lessons. The difference I find between life and eternal lessons is that life lessons are things learned that effect our relationships and ability to cope here in this life. Eternal lessons are things learned that my spirit needs to know and understand in order to achieve a fullness of everlasting joy. Most lessons are not easy to learn. If they were, we'd already know them. Most must be learned with pain and heartache. These walls that have been our home have witnessed so much unconditional love, sacrifice, pain, laughter, work, frustration, grief and peace... some even at the same time. We brought both of our baby girls home to this house. We've watched Londyn grow into a beautiful little girl in this home. We (mostly Andrew) have tackled many home improvement projects here in this house together. We spent almost three precious months here with our sweet Zoe. Every inch of this home reminds me of her. I have special memories of rocking her in her room, feeling her shallow breaths against my cheeks and listening to the dull sounds of the feeding pump on at all times. At one point, our entire downstairs was filled with an oxygen tank, numerous tubes, monitors, syringes, meds and of course, your regular baby items. Our memories with Zoe are few, but most all of them were here. </div>
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Zoe Grace</div>
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Londyn Joy</div>
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It's true what they say, "home is where the heart is." No matter where we live, how large or decorated it is, what's important is the people and the relationships that are in it. It's the memories that we make that will be with us forever. Not the walls. </div>
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The Armitage Familyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04431564775819384497noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7874383625212926562.post-85875983132342772952014-01-12T22:39:00.002-08:002014-01-13T09:26:41.237-08:0019th HoleOver the passed few weeks, I have been busily planning and preparing for my Dad's retirement party. After 6 years of school, an internship in D.C., Dental Corp in the Army, a trauma rotation in Hawaii and 36 years in practice, this man is more than deserving of this next transition to retirement. If you know my dad, you probably never thought he would retire. In fact, he still doesn't use the term "retirement" rather he refers to this next adventure as "changing venues." (denial kicking in) Whatever floats your boat, Dad! <br>
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When his office manager Vonda asked me to do the decorations for his party, I was knee-deep in planning for my AG Dancers Winter Showcase, meeting my birth mom in just a few weeks and oh yeah, CHRISTMAS! Not to mention, moving into their house come February. Eek! I would do absolutely anything for this man, so planning a party just for him was an honor. <br>
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<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">He loves golf and has finally had a little more time over the past year to hit the courses with his brother. With that in mind, I decided on the theme "Dr. Milne's 19th Hole." I thought I was so clever with the theme, but thanks to Google I found out that the "19th hole" reference is an actual thing. The golf theme made for endless possibilities, but ultimately I just wanted my Dad to feel special.</span><div>
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The event was held in the Oregon room at the Doubletree Hotel. This hotel is just around the corner from my Dad's office. He has hosted countless study clubs and events at this venue. It only seemed fitting to have his last hoorah there!</div>
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18 Holes: Childhood to Now</div>
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I had lots of help too! My friend Lennae put together the words & turf and my sister made a fabulous cake!</div>
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19th Hole: Mission in Guatemala<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjriTZMm2z4G9b6bJvMT7EXW4qdrrcNWZSNALVIp7VsZBvu94v0ko59-KZvyTwKB3vTMoAZDsoqN7xNhuDXdQjr535UNjB77cU7032HTD66bRQPdFddUM1oghjTA8CiWYcxKHG8Yy2hdm8/s1600/Bob%2527s_retirement-002.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="512" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjriTZMm2z4G9b6bJvMT7EXW4qdrrcNWZSNALVIp7VsZBvu94v0ko59-KZvyTwKB3vTMoAZDsoqN7xNhuDXdQjr535UNjB77cU7032HTD66bRQPdFddUM1oghjTA8CiWYcxKHG8Yy2hdm8/s1600/Bob%2527s_retirement-002.jpg" width="640"></a></div>
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We had oldies music playing in the background, a delicious spread of hors d'oeuvres and a number of guests in attendance to say "see ya later." </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">At the end of the evening, his long time partner Dr. Bozich gave some lovely words about Dr. Milne. To conclude, Andrew and I put together a video of messages from most all of the family members from oldest to youngest. It was only fitting since family is the most important thing to him.</div>
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I love when a vision comes together!</div>
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The very next day, we were in the Sherwood office by 7:30am for our last day EVER as Sherwood Oral Surgery. This office has meant a lot to me as I was pregnant with Londyn when we first opened. I was working there throughout my entire pregnancy with Zoe. Having worked off and on for my Dad since I was 12 and although I didn't always enjoy it in my younger years, I am beyond grateful for the experiences and memories that I will always cherish. He has a way of teaching, inspiring and touching lives like no one else I have ever met. He is the most selfless and Christlike individual, not only with his family and church callings, but even with patients and colleagues. It has been such a blessing to work for and alongside him over the years. I am do lucky to have watched my father in multiple capacities as doctor, boss, bishop, friend, brother, grandfather and father.</div>
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Tomorrow will be his last day in his Portland office. He will officially be retired, even if it is only for a few weeks before he "changes venues" to Guatemala for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. I have heard from many of his staff members of how sad they have been with his leaving. He has been more than a boss to them, but a friend and a father-figure. It is hard to see this chapter come to a close, but when he walks out of those office doors for the last time tomorrow... I don't have to say goodbye. I get to have him in my life forever. That's the beauty of family. It's never goodbye!</div>
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Sherwood Oral Surgery Team</div>
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Without knowing, our last patient just happened to be the daughter of one of Zoe's beloved Cardiology Case Managers Tami. She knew my dad was an oral surgeon but wasn't familiar with his last name and had no idea her daughter's appointment was with us. It made our last surgery together even more special. </div>
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<br></div>The Armitage Familyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04431564775819384497noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7874383625212926562.post-11146537113501170942014-01-05T21:20:00.002-08:002014-01-06T08:08:02.871-08:00Another year...After Zoe passed away, I declared that 2013 would be my "year of fun." The trendy phrase "YOLO" (You Only Live Once) was the driving force behind my new attitude. I started my own business teaching dance classes, took on a new calling as Ward Girls Camp Director (taking 36 girls to camp), kicked Diet Coke to the curb, took up running, ran three 5k races and lost 30 lbs in 5 months. Needless to say, I really took this YOLO business seriously. <br>
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With that said, every change I have made this year was with Zoe at the forefront of my motivation. My business is just as much about providing quality dance experiences as it is about supporting families of CHD's. Even turning to a healthier lifestyle has been with Zoe in mind. I am so blessed to have a body without defects or disabilities. I owe it to her to protect and take care myself for both of my children. It has been pretty straightforward to exercise and eat healthy but saying "Farewell" to DC has not. I still think about Diet Coke every single day! I dream about it too... and the dreams are so real that when I wake up, I can't tell if they are fantasies or nightmares. I still have over a dozen cans of DC in my fridge. I still respect it's magically delicious goodness and can't bare to pour it down the drain. It haunts me but keeps me strong at the same time. Twisted... I know. All of you recovering DC addicts know what I'm saying.<br>
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Amazing Grace Dancers: 1st Winter Showcase</div>
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The Color Run: My Very first 5k</div>
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As the holidays come and go, the new year sneaks it's way in and I am hit with the painful reminder that no matter how fast I go or how much I fill my plate, she's still gone and it still hurts. With two holiday seasons under our belt since Zoe died, I have found that it isn't Christmas that's difficult. It's New Year's. The holidays are beautiful and filled with everything that brings joy, but New Year's is just a smack in the face with all of the time that has passed without her. Even the highlights and accomplishments are tough to bare because she wasn't here to share them. In 2013, we got through many firsts together. Her 1st birthday, the anniversaries of every hospital stay and the anniversary of her death. We celebrated her life and mourned just how brief it was. I don't know what is more painful... the firsts themselves or the fact that their are so few of them because she was only with us for 149 days. </div>
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When my parents leave for their mission next month, I'm going to miss how they keep Zoe's headstone so festive for each holiday.</div>
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Christmas fun throughout December</div>
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Christmas was perfect this year. My all time favorite thing to do is give presents to the ones I love. It's a combination of finding or creating the perfect gift, the buildup of suspense and then the final moment of surprise in their eyes. It's like a high for me! I especially love surprising my husband. He isn't a surprise kind of guy but has learned to humor me and appreciate it. This year was absolutely and positively flawless. We have been talking about getting him a different car over the past few months and a Jeep Wrangler was at the top of the list. I loved the joy ride on our Hawaii vacation but wasn't sure it was the right fit for our family. One of his dream cars has been a Mini Cooper, but he never thought he'd get one. I signed the papers right before my birth mom came and planned to have it delivered on Christmas Eve but I just couldn't wait! I gave it to him early and Christmas was truly a success even before December 25th. <br>
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We also spent the month of December with our Elf on the Shelf. Lulu decided to name her Rosie because she has rose colored cheeks. We LOVED this new tradition and can't wait to do it again next year. <br>
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My grandparents invited us to see Santa at their assisted living facility. Lulu asked Santa for a sled and a Furby. It was fun singing Christmas carols and eating desserts with GG and Great Grandpa. <br>
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We had our annual Christmas Eve Bingo party at my Brother Kevin's home. We LOVE this tradition!<br>
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We sprinkled reindeer food on the front lawn, put milk and goodies out for Santa and then put our little one to bed. Andrew and I had Santa business to tend to but Lulu was too excited to sleep. After getting out of bed a couple times, Andrew finally told her that she could play in her room but couldn't come downstairs. A few minutes later I heard her playing in the hallway. Nervous that she was sneaking around, I went upstairs and asked her what she was doing... she said "I'm just playing until it's morning. My daddy said I could." Once we were ready to go to bed, we let her sleep on her "ground bed" in our bedroom. Andrew and I were wide awake at 4:30AM and she was passed out. Who were the eager kids on Christmas morning now?! We couldn't wait any longer and woke her up at 7:30am. <br>
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Londyn was excited about all of her gifts and Andrew still salivating over his Mini Cooper. Andrew had told me about a month prior that he wouldn't be able to top his gift for me and that it wouldn't cost much at all. Of course, I was intrigued! I hadn't uttered my Christmas wish to anyone, accept in my prayers. In my heart, I just wanted to have another baby. I have wanted another baby since Zoe died. My desire isn't to fill a void but to further complete our family. Andrew and I have not shared this same feeling and to be perfectly honest, he had made it clear that he didn't know if he would ever want to have another baby... ever. I had been praying to Heavenly Father, not for a change in Andrew's heart but for peace and contentment in my own. Over the past several months I have been blessed with that very peace. Once I was able to let go of my own desires and put it all in God's hands, I have never been happier. I have been truly amazed at how happy I really am. My marriage has never been stronger, we have two wonderful daughter's and we will be together for all eternity. How could I not find contentment? <br>
About a week before Christmas, Andrew placed an envelope in the tree. It was for me and said "DO NOT OPEN UNTIL CHRISTMAS." He also placed 3 small wrapped packages with my name on them under the tree. A few days before Christmas, I asked him what was in the envelope. He wouldn't budge. I told him that he didn't know what I wanted. No one did. The first present I opened was Burt's Bees Mama-Be body cream. I thought to myself, "there's no way... it couldn't be." I was then instructed to open the envelope. It was a card that started out with the words... "For the Mother-to-Be..." followed by some beautiful words about the gift of motherhood. On the inside of the card, he wrote something like "I know that this is all you really wanted for Christmas... so LET'S MAKE A BABY!" Tears welled up in my eyes and I couldn't believe what was happening. Have you ever had something that you absolutely, positively wanted more than anything and never in a million years thought you would get it? Well I just did. I don't even remember what was said after that but I remember tears and a perma-smile on my face for the rest of the day. The other presents were large bottles of prenatal vitamins. He was right... he can't top this and it didn't cost very much... not yet at least. <br>
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<br>The Armitage Familyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04431564775819384497noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7874383625212926562.post-3857289169350556702014-01-05T18:39:00.004-08:002014-01-06T00:23:55.104-08:00Meeting Umma<div style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px; margin: 0px; min-height: 15px;">
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My Birth Mom's visit was overwhelmingly beautiful, therapeutic and life changing. There were countless times when I was stretching myself and pushing limits but I did it! I could not have survived without my family. My "real" family. The ones have always been there for me. Between my brother being there to capture the reunion, my sister taking Lulu numerous times when she was getting antsy with adults all the time and especially my parents for... well, for everything. They are hands-down the most amazing and Christ-like people I have ever known. This entire experience could not have been without them. </div>
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But most of all I am grateful for my best friend, my husband. This man worked seven 12-hour nights in a row, just to be there for me while my BM visited. I am so grateful that he did because there were times when there was no one else that I needed but him. </div>
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I knew it was her from the first moment I saw her. I had remembered her from pictures and the look in her eyes when she saw me sealed the deal. I didn't know how or what to feel, other than astonished at the entire reunion. There I was, embracing the woman who gave birth to me 27 years ago. Until 3 years prior, she had no idea where I had gone or what had happened to me. She held my hand tightly and never let go. </div>
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We all drove back to my parents house where they would be staying. My Birth Mother (Umma), Birth Uncle and acquaintance HeeYoon (interpreter) were very kind and seemed surprised at our gestures to make them feel comfortable. If you know my mom, you know that she is truly the "Hostess with the Mostest." She had the house tastefully decorated for Christmas without overwhelming the birth family with her usual 27 Christmas trees and 1000+ Santa collection. She had slippers for them to wear around the house as many Asian cultures do not wear shoes or go bare foot around the house. The bathroom had a large basket filled with travel soaps, razors, perfume, cologne, lotions, toothbrushes and other toiletries. My mom was very thoughtful in her research and preparation for this visit. Among many things, I love that about her. </div>
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After dinner, Andrew and my dad were doing the dishes and cleaning up the kitchen. Umma, Samchon (uncle) and HeeYoon were all very surprised that the men were doing the work. They said that you would not see that in Korea. They commented on this a lot over the week as my dad would cook and cleanup breakfast for them every morning. HeeYoon joked that she wanted to find a Mormon man that would cook and clean for her.</div>
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At the end of our first night with them, we exchanged gifts. My mom had sewn a quilt and made a scrapbook for my birth mom. My birth mom gave us each traditional Korean Hanbok clothing. I could see sadness in my birth mother's eyes as she looked at the scrapbook. On more than one occasion, she said "you would not have had this kind of life in Korea" and "your siblings had nothing like you had." I told her that I appreciated her sacrifice and had a very happy childhood. <br>
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Throughout the week we ate lots of Korean food, took our guests to watch my dance classes, shopped at H-Mart (Asian market), ate more Korean food, went on a dinner cruise in Portland, the Nike store downtown, ate Korean food, attended a Portland Trailblazer basketball game, cooked Korean food, ate at several restaurants both Asian and American, visited Zoe's grave... oh and did I mention we ate lots of Korean food? It was a very fulfilling (or should I say "full-feeling") week. <br>
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The dinner cruise was fun because we got to see boats decorated with Christmas lights passing by. Since HeeYoon was trying to translate several conversations at the same time, my dad took it upon himself to explain the menu to Samchon. He balked for chicken, moo'd for beef, made a swimming motion with his hands for fish and said "Italiano!" for pasta in his best efforts at an Italian accent. This was the first time we caught a real smile and laugh out of Samchon. I love my dad. <br>
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Another fun memory was the Blazer game. This was a first for all of us, except for my dad. HeeYoon even won a CD from the Ford blimp (broke a nail doing it too! Don't mess with a determined Korean). Umma had never even seen basketball before! Umma and Samchon were bored at first but by the end, they were cheering and throwing up high-five's with every score for the Blazers. It was truly a coming together of cultures. <br>
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As the week presented itself with more and more surprises, HeeYoon was one of my favorites. Without the language barrier, there was an instant sisterhood. We could not have made it through the week without her. She wasn't just "the translator," she was a sister and friend to all of us and an auntie to Londyn. I still text with her almost every day and am so grateful for her friendship. <br>
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On our last day together, HeeYoon was so sweet and bought these matching bracelets for us at the Portland Saturday's Market.</div>
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While coloring Umma's hair on Monday, she told me that my birth father would have loved to meet me. I was surprised because up until this point, I had been told that he took me from her after she passed out post-labor. In my mind, I assumed he was the "bad guy." She explained that birth control wasn't used at that time and after having 4 daughters and relinquishing a 5th daughter just 4 years before myself, they could not provide a life for me with them. My birth father did not want Umma to have to make the decision, so he made it for her. He made himself the "bad guy" so that she wouldn't have to be. When asking about the infamous 5th sister, Umma told me that she had memories of her and myself up until I found her a few years ago. After I found her, the trauma led her to forget the few details that she had. She had kept us as secrets from her children and even her siblings. Only my birth father knew the truth and he passed away in 2009. Like many things in life, I believe that the truths of the story will be revealed in the afterlife. But for now, we can find peace in just being together. <br>
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Now I know where my crooked pinkies come from! Apparently my birth sisters all of the same pinkies.</div>
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Another unexpected moment of revelation was when visiting my grandparents. While teary and emotional, Umma told us that she hadn't told my siblings about the 5th sister yet. I was surprised because I thought she told them about both the 5th sister and myself when I found her. Umma said that she didn't want them to judge her or think she was a bad mother. She said one of her sons-in-law would be very judgmental. As her tears flowed, I couldn't help but feel helpless for this woman. She had endured so much and had no one to share her burden. <br>
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At the end of our last evening together, Umma and Samchon expressed their gratitude and love for all of us. Umma gave my parents an envelope and explained that my birth sisters and birth brother wanted to do something for me but didn't know what kind of gift to give their long lost sister. They decided to pool their money together to gift to us. We were all shocked at this unexpected gesture. Umma mentioned several times that it wasn't much but it was what my siblings could and wanted to do for me. I didn't care about the amount, I was just amazed at how much love my birth siblings have shown through letters, broken e-mails and now this very generous offering. My parents later told me that the envelope contained $2800. This was no small amount and I am near certain that it was a significant financial sacrifice from each of them. Although love can never be measured in dollar signs, sacrifice certainly can. My parents have decided to save this money for our plane tickets to Korea in 2015. <br>
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As Umma held my hands tightly on the last night, I gave her a bracelet engraved with the word Umma. I told her that even though I won't be with her in Korea, she can wear this and know that I am thinking of her. I also gave her a Korean Book of Mormon and told her that she should read this book if she wanted to understand who I am and how I find peace. She told me that she would read it... for me. We also gave one to Samchon and HeeYoon. These three Book of Mormon's came with their own divine intervention. My friend's Lennae and Hanna went to Deseret Book to find three Korean BOM's for me and they told them that they rarely ever have any in the store. Deseret Book recommended the Visitor's Center at the Portland Temple. Lennae called there and were told that they used to have some but again, rarely ever do. The Visitor's Center suggested the mission home in Hillsboro. Lennae and Hanna then called the mission home and were told that they usually don't have them but they had just received exactly three Korean Book of Mormon's and they were hers if she'd like them. This was no coincidence. Thanks to my persevering friends and Heavenly Father I was able to share the most important part of who I am and that is my faith. <br>
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Throughout the entire week, I compared her experience of losing me to my experience of losing Zoe. Although our losses are very different, the pain is very much the same. We didn't want to put our children in the hands of another, but we had to because it was best for the child. Letting Zoe go was the most painful and important decision I have ever made. Keeping her would have been selfish, withholding her from peace and joy with our Father in Heaven. In many ways, my birth parents gave me that same gift when they blessed me with the opportunity to have a life filled with love, the Gospel and endless opportunities. When I replay the video of the first moment my birth mother saw me at the airport, I know that the joy in her eyes will be mine when I am reunited with my sweet daughter Zoe. Heavenly Father works in mysterious ways, but I know that this parallel in my own life gives me the faith and strength to endure to the end so that I can return to Him and be with my eternal family forever. </div>
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The Armitage Familyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04431564775819384497noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7874383625212926562.post-68885182974130858082013-12-17T18:06:00.001-08:002014-02-13T17:40:14.953-08:00Asking why?<p style="margin: 0px; font-size: 12px; font-family: Helvetica;">After losing a child, it never gets easier to raise the one you still have here on earth. Today I was given the heartbreaking news that our beloved pediatrician Dr. Mindy Green passed away after a long fight with breast cancer. We hesitantly established care with Mindy just weeks after Zoe died. As grateful as I was for all of Zoe's doctors, it was terrifying to take the only child I had left in for a simple well-child check. from the start, Dr. green already knew our story and was more than kind and gracious with our traumatic circumstances. Having battled with cancer, she knew all too well how fragile life can be.</p><p style="margin: 0px; font-size: 12px; font-family: Helvetica;"><br></p><p style="margin: 0px; font-size: 12px; font-family: Helvetica;">We trusted her. I trusted her. She treated us as if we were the only family in her care. If I ever called for anything, she called me back personally within minutes. If Londyn needed to be seen urgently, she saw us regardless of her busy schedule and would spend an hour just talking to us as if we were family friends. We always talked of getting our girls together, as she has a little one just Londyn's age. </p><p style="margin: 0px; font-size: 12px; font-family: Helvetica;"><br></p><p style="margin: 0px; font-size: 12px; font-family: Helvetica;">When I heard the news of her passing, I was sick. I was sick of people dying... especially people that I care about. I was even more sick about having to tell Londyn that someone else in her life had gone to heaven to be with Zoe. It seems as though a lot of people are returning home too soon.</p><p style="margin: 0px; font-size: 12px; font-family: Helvetica;"><br></p><p style="margin: 0px; font-size: 12px; font-family: Helvetica;">I said a little prayer, took a deep breath and gave her the news. I think it hurt me more than her, because I feel like hard things are constantly chipping away at her innocence and childhood. I was nervous because Londyn was so afraid to go to the doctor after Zoe died. She thought everyone that went to the doctor would die. Dr. Green made her feel comfortable and special during a confusing time.</p><p style="margin: 0px; font-size: 12px; font-family: Helvetica;"><br></p><p style="margin: 0px; font-size: 12px; font-family: Helvetica;">I told her that Dr. green was very sick and Heavenly Father didn't want her to hurt anymore, so she went to heaven to be with Zoe. Without hesitation, she said " I thought only babies go to heaven." </p><p style="margin: 0px; font-size: 12px; font-family: Helvetica;"><br></p><p style="margin: 0px; font-size: 12px; font-family: Helvetica;">I didn't feel like cooking dinner tonight and while at our favorite Chinese restaurant, out of nowhere Londyn said "I'm only a little bit sad that Dr. green passed away." I told her that it's okay to be sad and that I'm sad too. She then said, "it's okay Mom. now she's Zoe's doctor."</p><p style="margin: 0px; font-size: 12px; font-family: Helvetica;"><br></p><p style="margin: 0px; font-size: 12px; font-family: Helvetica;">It's indescribable how my heart aches when she says things like this. Especially because my preschooler is the one comforting me! What 4 year old says that? A four year old that tells me in the car today, "I need to take flowers to the cemetery for Zoe. Can we do that this weekend mom?" A 4 year old that expresses the fear that she won't go to the same heaven as her sister. </p><p style="margin: 0px; font-size: 12px; font-family: Helvetica;"><br></p><p style="margin: 0px; font-size: 12px; font-family: Helvetica;">Once Lulu asked "what cemetery did I use to be at?" She thought that since Zoe died as a baby, she would soon die as well. I told Lulu that only some babies die and go to heaven. Lots of babies live and grow to be big like her. </p><p style="margin: 0px; font-size: 12px; font-family: Helvetica;"><br></p><p style="margin: 0px; font-size: 12px; font-family: Helvetica;">Later today we were talking about Dr. Green again and Lulu said "I thought only Mommy's die when they get really really old." How do you explain that these instances are rare and that at her age, she should be afraid of the dark or monsters in her closet. Instead my sweet little princess thinks, worries and fears death at such a young and what should be an beautiful and innocent time in life. Growing up is filled with roadblocks, life lessons and heartache. WHY does hers have to start so early?</p><p style="margin: 0px; font-size: 12px; font-family: Helvetica;"><br></p><p style="margin: 0px; font-size: 12px; font-family: Helvetica;">These moments lead us to the dangerous "whys." Why do people around us keep dying? Why did a sweet baby have to come to this earth and die after suffering for her entire 4.5 months of life? Why did the first funeral I ever attended have to be for my own child? Why does my four year old have to worry about whether she or her family and friends are going to die? Why do I have to live the rest of this life with a hole in my family and a hole in my heart? Why me? Why does Mindy's little girl now have to grow up without her mother by her side? Why does Mindy's husband have to raise their daughter without her? Why can't the grieving period be just that, period? Why? why. WHY?</p><p style="margin: 0px; font-size: 12px; font-family: Helvetica;"><br></p><p style="margin: 0px; font-size: 12px; font-family: Helvetica;">There is only one answer. </p><p style="margin: 0px; font-size: 12px; font-family: Helvetica;"><br></p><p style="margin: 0px; font-size: 12px; font-family: Helvetica;">The Plan of Salvation. The Plan that our Father in Heaven has for each of us. He loves us and sent us here to learn, make mistakes, love, serve, hurt, grow, be tested and put our faith in him. These trials are unbearable at times and can most certainly be without His presence in trying times. If we shut Him out, we are left lonelier than ever before. I have found that hurting because of Him is much more painful than letting Him hurt with me. I don't have all the answers, but I hold onto this one and look forward to a fullness of joy that will be given to me when I am faced with my Maker and only then will all the answers be revealed.</p><p style="margin: 0px; font-size: 12px; font-family: Helvetica;"><br></p><p style="margin: 0px; font-size: 12px; font-family: Helvetica;">The Green family is in our hearts and prayers. Mindy Green was a beautiful woman and talented physician. She left a heart shaped imprint in our lives and will be forever missed. </p><p style="margin: 0px; font-size: 12px; font-family: Helvetica;"><br></p><p style="margin: 0px; font-size: 12px; font-family: Helvetica;"></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiqTNuruirhUF5m7jUMFh2y50sm7DoDWAkNYByhtBLT1aAr75GRBYYzw9hf1mzVov-jsuzI6AHmz51KhES5VmHsVtx4fjxnKm-TTrtB30HmSk4BOQWttX7WJWvplt3u7EffNkhzXZ2e7y8/s640/blogger-image--1503321139.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiqTNuruirhUF5m7jUMFh2y50sm7DoDWAkNYByhtBLT1aAr75GRBYYzw9hf1mzVov-jsuzI6AHmz51KhES5VmHsVtx4fjxnKm-TTrtB30HmSk4BOQWttX7WJWvplt3u7EffNkhzXZ2e7y8/s640/blogger-image--1503321139.jpg"></a></div><br><p></p><p style="margin: 0px; font-size: 12px; font-family: Helvetica;"></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">August 2013</div><br><p></p>The Armitage Familyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04431564775819384497noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7874383625212926562.post-57020923075673159922013-12-07T22:08:00.001-08:002013-12-08T00:35:22.831-08:00T Minus 16<div>
I have so much going on in this head of mine right now and the only possible way I will get any sleep tonight is to blurt it all out. So after much procrastination... I must blog.</div>
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December is my most favorite time of the year. I just love the magic of the holidays that fills people's hearts and reminds us that there is good on this earth. Gift giving is my all time favorite part of Christmas. It isn't the receiving, nor is it the money spent. Rather the building up of a grand reveal and then the look on their face. It's priceless. <br />
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Over the past few years, this specific month has been repeatedly difficult. December 1st, 2011 was the day that we met who would be the single most important doctor in our lives over the next 11 months, our beloved cardiologist Dr. King. It was that day that Zoe's Congenital Heart Defect was confirmed, options were given to us, terms like "quality of life" and percentages were uttered. We left a large part of our innocence as parents and human beings in that office that day. </div>
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December 2012 was surprisingly enjoyable at times and excruciating at others. Zoe had died just 3 months prior and we were doing our best to shower Londyn with love and having just started Andrew's big-boy job, we were showering her with presents too. We didn't hold back with the decorating, a large noble fir in our little townhouse and anything else we could do to fill the sadness in our hearts. </div>
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And December 2013... is nothing short of another incline in the emotional roller coaster that has been our lives. About a month ago, my Birth Mother whom I had searched/found 3 years ago decided that she couldn't wait for me to come to Korea anymore and was coming here. It was a normal Tuesday night in the Armitage abode... Lulu and I were snuggling on the couch with a show, while I was getting some work done on the computer. I get a call from a random and unusually long phone number. Not once, but three times in a row. By the fourth time, I had a feeling that it was her. I answered and it was a lovely young woman calling on behalf of my Birth Mom and Birth Uncle... who she said were sitting right next to her. Up until this point, all communication had been via e-mail and snail mail. This was the closest to speaking to her directly that I had ever been. It was hands down the most awkward and unusual phone conversation that I have ever had. It all happened so quickly and then just like that, I found myself on the phone with my Birth Mother. Hearing her voice was one of the strangest moments I have ever experienced. I couldn't understand what she was saying, but I could hardly believe that I was communicating in real time with the woman that I was a part of for 9 months and that gave birth to me. After what felt like an eternity of silence, the translator came back on the phone and told me that my Birth Mother was coming here on December 8th. Here, meaning little old Sherwood, Oregon to meet the daughter that she relinquished 27 years ago. This reunion had been in the works for years but with life doing what it does best... throwing us for a loop, timing just hadn't been right. Up until this phone call, I still didn't feel like it was the right time to meet and with great hesitation, I expressed those feeling to the translator. I heard a short conversation in the background and then she came back on the phone to tell me that my BM didn't want to wait any longer and was coming December 8th. So there you have it. My first experience with my Korean mother and I was already overruled. </div>
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In about 16 hours, a woman that I know just as well as the sales clerk at Target, will walk off an airplane and refer to me as her daughter. My life will change in 16 hours and it is completely out of my control. I like control. I like a plan... especially my own plan. I like knowing what to expect and being prepared. I like organization and things that just make sense... on paper and in life. Over the past three years my life has had very little of all of these things. I suppose this is Heavenly Father telling me to let go and trust in Him. Trust in His plan and not my own. This lesson seems to be tied up in a pretty little package and although I am a changed and better woman with my adversities, some days I wish that enough was enough and maybe, just maybe there was a "Get Out of Jail Free" card, waiting for me somewhere. Just a tiny little break from this exhausting roller coaster? Is that too much to ask?</div>
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I wish I could say that going into this reunion I don't have any hesitation or resentment. I have prayed so hard to just let it all go. But the questions... the how's and why's continue to creep in. Lately, curiosity and intrigue have led people to ask questions about my "Mother" and my "Real Mom." This is by far one of my greatest pet peeves that just rubs me the wrong way. Maybe it's the nature of the situation and the anxiety of meeting my Korean mother, but when people ask "Are you excited to meet your real mom?" or "So when is your mom coming to visit?" To clarify and confirm to the greater blogosphere, this woman is not my mother. My mother is the woman that carried and continues to grieve the loss of 7 sweet babies before opening her heart to adoption and to me. My mother is the woman that spent hours driving me to dance classes, helped me with campaign posters and speeches, excused me from school for "Mental Health Days" AKA retail therapy and the Nordstrom's Cafe. My mother is the woman that continues to love me despite all of my faults and is my cheerleader and friend. That is the woman who I honor as my Mother. </div>
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I may resemble the woman that I will meet tomorrow and I am grateful that she gave me the chance to be with what I refer to as my family, the only one that I have ever known. But this relationship cannot be forced, nor expected. I have questions and I hope to find answers. </div>
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My hope is that we can get to know each other, language/culture barrier and all. But my prayer? </div>
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My prayer is for peace. Peace in both of our hearts. </div>
The Armitage Familyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04431564775819384497noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7874383625212926562.post-26973603982048242492013-09-28T09:24:00.002-07:002013-09-28T09:40:47.849-07:00Fall Beginnings<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Gone are the days of jammies til noon, bronzing in the sun, playdates at the park and everything else that is Summer! The Oregon rain is falling, the smell of pumpkin spice is in the air we're back to the grind with work, preschool, dance, callings, holidays and my beloved calendar (I don't know how I would function without it!)</div>
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This is Londyn's second and last year of preschool before the big "K" word... clearly I'm having acceptance issues with the fact that my baby is growing far too quickly. </div>
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She goes to preschool Mondays, Wednesdays, Fridays and takes dance on Mondays & Tuesdays. She loves going to Miss Rebecca's school and is always asks to do "school" when I'm making dinner. I can't believe how quickly she is picking up reading!</div>
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Fun times in the month of September</div>
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Andrew is working lots of overtime these days. With a new Fab opening at the beginning of next year, they are swamped with work. He has also been helping the scouts in our ward with their Space Exploration merit badge. They will be launching rockets soon!</div>
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A few weeks ago, he worked a 12 hour night and then picked up a group of student volunteers at George Fox University to clean up Zoe's cemetery. He was up for 24 hours before he was able to crawl into bed!</div>
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I have been busy reinventing myself! We are always striving to better ourselves but I have found so much motivation for growth after Zoe has given me a glimpse into my eternal potential. It is so fulfilling to set goals and reach them or even surpass them. Some even being miracles... for example, not a sip of Diet Coke in the last 70 days and running two 5k races in the last month!</div>
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I started dental assisting in my dad's office and work there two days a week. It has been about 7 years since I last assisted in oral surgery but I'm amazed at how easily most of has come back to me. I still have a lot to learn but it's rewarding to refresh on an old skill and make some extra money doing it!<br>
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Team Zoe @ the Portland Color Run with friends Erin & Kristin</div>
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"ran" into my niece Kaylee after the race!</div>
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At the finish line with my nieces Mikayla, Kam & Mary and sis-in-law Bec</div>
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My dance business has really taken off this year! I currently teach 5 classes with 42 students. I love the new venue I'm teaching at and have added Tap into my three younger classes. I am so excited about all of the new opportunities to reach out to heart families through my business. </div>
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I now have a scholarship in honor of Zoe for a child with a congenital heart defect to take dance classes with all expenses covered. The first recipient is named Ellie and I can't help but think of Zoe every time I see her. She is such a joy and I am so blessed to feel her special spirit in class every week. </div>
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After class with some of my cute 3 to 5 year olds</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg4F8oudK5Qr-lwZwM1iAS9NRe8dZucQjuPNSK54bcQ6z7DzWBvpb8WoWYRDhfOC6Gj8yWX9prPWVn16Yyx2NQ6i7DDxe0AytKaSUxg_3pndMmvuv3A6lK4MZ0aRE98m55XR4tU0YCivrc/s1600/IMG_0915.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg4F8oudK5Qr-lwZwM1iAS9NRe8dZucQjuPNSK54bcQ6z7DzWBvpb8WoWYRDhfOC6Gj8yWX9prPWVn16Yyx2NQ6i7DDxe0AytKaSUxg_3pndMmvuv3A6lK4MZ0aRE98m55XR4tU0YCivrc/s400/IMG_0915.JPG" width="400"></a></div>
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I am also very excited about the Hope for the Holidays event that I've started this year. Each class is competing to collect brand new toy donations to be delivered to Randall Children's Hospital where they will perform their holiday routines for the patients and staff at the beginning of December. It has been fun to see my students come up with their own creative ways to get their donations!</div>
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We still have bad days, but more importantly... we still have eachother.</div>
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Life isn't easy, but life IS good.</div>
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Happy Fall!</div>
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The Armitage Familyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04431564775819384497noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7874383625212926562.post-56854652788811924642013-09-28T07:56:00.003-07:002013-09-28T07:58:02.169-07:00Joy in the Journey<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: inherit; line-height: 18px; text-align: left;">"Let us relish life as we live it, find joy in the journey, and share our love with friends and family." </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: inherit; line-height: 18px; text-align: left;">- President Thomas S. Monson</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: inherit; line-height: 17.98611068725586px;">August 28th, 2013</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; line-height: 17.98611068725586px;"><i>Over the pas few weeks, we have been trying to plan what to do on Zoe's first anniversary. It has been so much easier to have a plan with all of our Zoe first this year. But for some reason, we have been at a loss with this one. It was much easier to celebrate her birthday, but much more difficult to "celebrate" on the day she died. All we knew was that Andrew would take the d</i></span><span class="text_exposed_show" style="background-color: white; color: #333333; display: inline; line-height: 17.98611068725586px;"><i>ay off and we would spend it together as a family.<br /><br />Last Monday I had a crazy idea and thought of just running away from everything and going somewhere fun. Surprisingly, Andrew jumped on the "spontaneity train" with me and I have been frantically preparing for the past week.<br /><br />We have kept our lips sealed because we hope to pull off an epic surprise for Lulu!<br /><br />Right now we are getting ready to board our flight to sunny California. We will wake Londyn up tomorrow morning for every child's dream come true, Disneyland! This will be a first for both Londyn and Andrew.<br /><br />Saturday is the 31st and we plan to remember Zoe by wearing red, releasing balloons on a beautiful sunny (not Oregon) beach and reflecting on the precious memories we have with our youngest daughter, while making new ones with our oldest.<br /><br />We can't think of a better way to celebrate Zoe's life than to see the sheer joy on Londyn's face at the first sight of Disneyland, the happiest place on earth! </i></span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #333333;"><span style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 17.99715805053711px;">Disney or Bust!</span></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhy1eSsYFIRGDGAm7QQBDtJdWENgGXc3Pv-6t2RhdyQq1A-6rmjZStg0kPJlDonZoAH_CuLfd7h7D13c8CF8E91GGsCrZdETr2LPFeNrT9icxvUj8Xc9Vo2GR0Alt6OAcJuhUvpKG3etr4/s1600/Disneyland.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhy1eSsYFIRGDGAm7QQBDtJdWENgGXc3Pv-6t2RhdyQq1A-6rmjZStg0kPJlDonZoAH_CuLfd7h7D13c8CF8E91GGsCrZdETr2LPFeNrT9icxvUj8Xc9Vo2GR0Alt6OAcJuhUvpKG3etr4/s400/Disneyland.jpg" width="322" /></span></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Disneyland</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Teacups, Meeting Minnie, Toontown</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Andrew's Favorite Ride: Star Tours</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Kacie's Favorite Ride: Space Mountain</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Londyn's Favorite Ride: It's a Small World & Space Mountain</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgBON-ZazsnFwdj1zrvyIBNvA6sR7RU1DmtT4OzKQhhw9ZDlzWFOQ6nb1weYmFzFv1yWfBbnthKBcX7esdt-HOY_2oza22mvqXLrodMYrb2-83Cq7BRrk-OKl_Q8i6hT7LtXFk1ulv7Y-s/s1600/Disneyland-001.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><img border="0" height="322" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgBON-ZazsnFwdj1zrvyIBNvA6sR7RU1DmtT4OzKQhhw9ZDlzWFOQ6nb1weYmFzFv1yWfBbnthKBcX7esdt-HOY_2oza22mvqXLrodMYrb2-83Cq7BRrk-OKl_Q8i6hT7LtXFk1ulv7Y-s/s400/Disneyland-001.jpg" width="400" /></span></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Fantasy Faire</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEguAv6OrhM8fHI72-JKFPspPxcbCj91n3jJGFTlYIASFjfe2iHaIry4TG6ekB5YhiT9rsAglEwsNcgdJYu653E4KptRrUnGsRR968o2BKRfGfsLtAEquO8Yy-wzeQSdXAwORw2rZkFP1i4/s1600/Disneyland-002.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEguAv6OrhM8fHI72-JKFPspPxcbCj91n3jJGFTlYIASFjfe2iHaIry4TG6ekB5YhiT9rsAglEwsNcgdJYu653E4KptRrUnGsRR968o2BKRfGfsLtAEquO8Yy-wzeQSdXAwORw2rZkFP1i4/s400/Disneyland-002.jpg" width="322" /></span></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Mickey's Soundsational Parade</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Cinderella's Castle</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjlQ6K-Wf_wJhRNp8hV5hBtcYmLqM5UKi6JhYgAHdNB7YrHBn-Ta4bOVgLjZvhMJxOtbelfcYV5kehNgkDXg5qUkZ-tNG4nz9he5lz4ebfwdd-gs_JqhnKwIIpLLhuqBqI1ikQ-1T5RfmQ/s1600/Disneyland-003.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><img border="0" height="322" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjlQ6K-Wf_wJhRNp8hV5hBtcYmLqM5UKi6JhYgAHdNB7YrHBn-Ta4bOVgLjZvhMJxOtbelfcYV5kehNgkDXg5qUkZ-tNG4nz9he5lz4ebfwdd-gs_JqhnKwIIpLLhuqBqI1ikQ-1T5RfmQ/s400/Disneyland-003.jpg" width="400" /></span></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Disney California Adventure</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">CarsLand</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh9-l795h9LOPvoc5jC2jSfE8n2sjY14R5MHjAXKsH3muHIntLt8hmagLKPrzPVVW6QyB2G8CYV7pq_Gw01Lx0UWWwAswpwXPU_Q_87ffX4mNruTaa7Mlu9KS4C4uX2MKpvZrSXpGuN7WI/s1600/IMG_0627.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><img border="0" height="233" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh9-l795h9LOPvoc5jC2jSfE8n2sjY14R5MHjAXKsH3muHIntLt8hmagLKPrzPVVW6QyB2G8CYV7pq_Gw01Lx0UWWwAswpwXPU_Q_87ffX4mNruTaa7Mlu9KS4C4uX2MKpvZrSXpGuN7WI/s400/IMG_0627.jpg" width="400" /></span></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Mater, Bug's Life, Mickey's Fun Wheel</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Andrew & Kacie's Favorite Ride: Radiator Springs Racers</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Londyn's Favorite Ride: Little Mermaid</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh3Iu2AZveTeTZor3KDkYZINQn29MTd5bLA6HL_57uBmskPB6Ksu3GIrxYv9BdHom4548C89_lw4qflc7la67rOsBvGFceLMDLGUJTv2zFzsnQLeC0yJ47PlxL6CzpGr4tgOhJbDr44EA0/s1600/Disneyland-004.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh3Iu2AZveTeTZor3KDkYZINQn29MTd5bLA6HL_57uBmskPB6Ksu3GIrxYv9BdHom4548C89_lw4qflc7la67rOsBvGFceLMDLGUJTv2zFzsnQLeC0yJ47PlxL6CzpGr4tgOhJbDr44EA0/s400/Disneyland-004.jpg" width="322" /></span></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Lulu loved the Tower of Terror. She thought the hotel lobby was scary but loved the ride. When we were walking away from the building, she said "That hotel is breaking apart!"</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhbnWw8U7iiK9ZmlyD3st9z06ZNIPMZlnH4E1RHtU743fukjktlVE1QZ5CP2yvQqSGgAnuI1Noe3ADBIVlxWtVINxiFny-vfBRB6uyzXMfLWY7toKYJXC_3j55ko0cHVvSC1MruKrDPENU/s1600/IMG_0586.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><img border="0" height="256" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhbnWw8U7iiK9ZmlyD3st9z06ZNIPMZlnH4E1RHtU743fukjktlVE1QZ5CP2yvQqSGgAnuI1Noe3ADBIVlxWtVINxiFny-vfBRB6uyzXMfLWY7toKYJXC_3j55ko0cHVvSC1MruKrDPENU/s320/IMG_0586.jpg" width="320" /></span></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">My absolute favorite experience was our special dinner at Goofy's Kitchen. The food was absolutely divine, while the atmosphere was family friendly and comfortable. We got to meet so many characters who came right up to our table, eager to startup conversation.</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhazxpR4UiHmcgYbT3TvbfOrDdqrAUpwaMR8rIb_Bcz2IKPoY1rCJlMx2uC0Mb_XGqlmXFUrxQP2Nr4oBaGj8H7iaFmVYCkzh-OCyuTZngpW3p_WWan8WQKIyjmylGjZ-vm7ZKf0UBOxyk/s1600/Disneyland-005.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><img border="0" height="322" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhazxpR4UiHmcgYbT3TvbfOrDdqrAUpwaMR8rIb_Bcz2IKPoY1rCJlMx2uC0Mb_XGqlmXFUrxQP2Nr4oBaGj8H7iaFmVYCkzh-OCyuTZngpW3p_WWan8WQKIyjmylGjZ-vm7ZKf0UBOxyk/s400/Disneyland-005.jpg" width="400" /></span></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">The princesses were truly magical!</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjj9DJvjCo992eDWpF29MWgOarBHSwUh_OxAmzBaPiZTAcyymG-IYCicQyf0GhYy1Bk9AkJWai04Lb4QeMzjbQ3torJX7PrhSWp2M7GbLIWzTDsZx7KA7idJc3uLZmsytjsKiGBzlpooiM/s1600/Disneyland-007.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjj9DJvjCo992eDWpF29MWgOarBHSwUh_OxAmzBaPiZTAcyymG-IYCicQyf0GhYy1Bk9AkJWai04Lb4QeMzjbQ3torJX7PrhSWp2M7GbLIWzTDsZx7KA7idJc3uLZmsytjsKiGBzlpooiM/s400/Disneyland-007.jpg" width="322" /></span></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">two peas in a pod</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjXp1nbr4v9evxdTZZ1Mlq4Wc1wp9uvXnOf3V2YhJsZlTnZpnEDAF9jORNPJkJcmpdZyapnuCydPxjtuvLGiV6KbOp2S6iOT5E6faFQO870FV1uPuJ81wpB2yEZfrtGgmzUcJMHubS4g-c/s1600/IMG_0625.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjXp1nbr4v9evxdTZZ1Mlq4Wc1wp9uvXnOf3V2YhJsZlTnZpnEDAF9jORNPJkJcmpdZyapnuCydPxjtuvLGiV6KbOp2S6iOT5E6faFQO870FV1uPuJ81wpB2yEZfrtGgmzUcJMHubS4g-c/s400/IMG_0625.jpg" width="255" /></span></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Here's Lulu on our way home from our last night at the happiest place on earth. You know it's true when she fell asleep within seconds and still had a grin on her face.</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj0TI8IGbQIgtXt-JteR30-ZwFwyjtq55TTwauDqmPnbEwNCg4nWmzOl0zNwLUAgJ5vu6UlFG-w12gOjQ81SvUVGWnxQbV4u2kRT3elHkdZXlFLN8n4UNbRZFRI2mgz07SyhfqP-WpU5dg/s1600/IMG_0639.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj0TI8IGbQIgtXt-JteR30-ZwFwyjtq55TTwauDqmPnbEwNCg4nWmzOl0zNwLUAgJ5vu6UlFG-w12gOjQ81SvUVGWnxQbV4u2kRT3elHkdZXlFLN8n4UNbRZFRI2mgz07SyhfqP-WpU5dg/s400/IMG_0639.jpg" width="300" /></span></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Saturday was Zoe's anniversary. We checked out of our hotel and hit the road spend our last two days with my cousin Elisha and her family in San Marcos. We remembered her by wearing red and releasing red balloons for at the beach. It was a beautiful and peaceful day.</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhH4cT6QYUCYIai-gLegx2XO3j-MRKlRlr_qZmYwqC0DjbgnOWw3_shh4j0o9a7yrp64cqnA83txqP6LRRzQRl-rOW9XFWXu7wLhpmYcrox6x21PyEYFxH1RqZp8XgoAuPQ-oh9TtVKb8k/s1600/Disneyland-009.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><img border="0" height="322" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhH4cT6QYUCYIai-gLegx2XO3j-MRKlRlr_qZmYwqC0DjbgnOWw3_shh4j0o9a7yrp64cqnA83txqP6LRRzQRl-rOW9XFWXu7wLhpmYcrox6x21PyEYFxH1RqZp8XgoAuPQ-oh9TtVKb8k/s400/Disneyland-009.jpg" width="400" /></span></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">The day did not pass without shedding a few tears, but at least we were together.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #37404e; line-height: 17.98611068725586px; text-align: left;">My sweet Grandma just called me in tears after reading this beautiful poem in the October Ensign magazine. </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #37404e; line-height: 17.98611068725586px; text-align: left;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #37404e; line-height: 17.98611068725586px; text-align: left;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #37404e; line-height: 17.98611068725586px; text-align: left;"><b>Fear Not, My Child </b></span><br style="background-color: white; color: #37404e; line-height: 17.98611068725586px; text-align: left;" /><i><span style="background-color: white; color: #37404e; line-height: 17.98611068725586px; text-align: left;">by Larene Porter Gaunt</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #37404e; line-height: 17.98611068725586px; text-align: left;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #37404e; line-height: 17.98611068725586px; text-align: left;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #37404e; line-height: 17.98611068725586px; text-align: left;">You came to us from God—</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #37404e; line-height: 17.98611068725586px; text-align: left;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #37404e; line-height: 17.98611068725586px; text-align: left;">a child so pure</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #37404e; line-height: 17.98611068725586px; text-align: left;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #37404e; line-height: 17.98611068725586px; text-align: left;">that in your trip to earth</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #37404e; line-height: 17.98611068725586px; text-align: left;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #37404e; line-height: 17.98611068725586px; text-align: left;">you didn't need to stay and prove to Him</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #37404e; line-height: 17.98611068725586px; text-align: left;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #37404e; line-height: 17.98611068725586px; text-align: left;">that you would do His will.</span><span class="text_exposed_show" style="background-color: white; color: #37404e; display: inline; line-height: 17.98611068725586px; text-align: left;"><br /><br />God only needed someone willing<br />to create for you a home—<br />and then to let you go.<br /><br />How blessed are we,<br />for He has chosen us.<br />And though we weep,<br />peace comes in knowing<br />that death will only bring<br />the sleep that wakens you to life again<br />to breathe the warmth of paradise.<br /><br />Fear not, my child.<br />We will be together soon<br />and hold you in our arms—<br />encircled in celestial love<br />that unites us with our God.</span></i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">I love the look on Londyn's face in the bottom photo when she was watching Zoe's balloons in the sky. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">We went to church with my cousin's family on Sunday and then headed to the airport to fly back home. It was a sad reality to be leaving sunny California and the magic of Disney. We had the most amazing time and can't wait to return!</span></div>
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The Armitage Familyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04431564775819384497noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7874383625212926562.post-15724481581405828182013-08-31T11:45:00.001-07:002013-08-31T11:45:56.022-07:00The first of many...<span style="font-family: '.Helvetica NeueUI'; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); ">Snuggling my sweet Londyn this morning as I reflect on one year ago today...</span><div style="font-family: '.Helvetica NeueUI'; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); "><br></div><div style="font-family: '.Helvetica NeueUI'; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); ">With all of the Disney fun we've been having, there is still mourning and grief. This day is not easy but will never be ignored. I am blessed to have such sacred memories of our last moments with Zoe. I have never felt closer to my Father in heaven than I did when holding our little angel as she took her last breath. I could feel her Spirit return to him and the relief from all of the pain and suffering her body no longer had to endure. My love for our Savior grew that day as I knew without a doubt that I will see my daughter again and my fullness of joy will be restored. </div><div style="font-family: '.Helvetica NeueUI'; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); "><br></div><div style="font-family: '.Helvetica NeueUI'; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); ">On this anniversary, I am celebrating Zoe's life and all of the blessings she brought to our eternal family. After all that we have been through, I look at where we were and where we are today. We are stronger, more sacrificing, more patient and in love. The bigger, eternal picture has been made clear and we have every reason and desire to do our best to be a part of it. </div><div style="font-family: '.Helvetica NeueUI'; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); "><br></div><div style="font-family: '.Helvetica NeueUI'; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); ">I am so grateful to know that my Savior lives, that Zoe lives and that our Heavenly Father loves us. We are his sons and daughters. Just as I look forward to my reunion with Zoe, He eagerly awaits our return to Him. Amongst the sadness, is hope and joy for what we have to look forward to. This life is not the end and I will strive to "find joy in the journey" knowing that much more is in store. </div><div style="font-family: '.Helvetica NeueUI'; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); "><br></div><div><font face=".Helvetica NeueUI"><span style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469);"><i>Be patient in afflictions, for thou shalt have many; but endure them, for, lo, I am with thee, even unto the end of thy days. (D&C 24:8)</i></span></font></div><div style="font-family: '.Helvetica NeueUI'; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); "><br></div><div style="font-family: '.Helvetica NeueUI'; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); ">Thank you for all of your love and prayers. Today is a beautiful Zoe Day.</div><div style="font-family: '.Helvetica NeueUI'; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); "><br></div><div style="font-family: '.Helvetica NeueUI'; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); ">The Life of Zoe Grace</div><div style="font-family: '.Helvetica NeueUI'; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); "><a href="http://youtu.be/sRG8tkJoHnE">http://youtu.be/sRG8tkJoHnE</a></div>The Armitage Familyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04431564775819384497noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7874383625212926562.post-70110995214150074102013-08-26T22:39:00.002-07:002013-08-27T06:12:56.446-07:00Broken<span style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); font-family: '.Helvetica NeueUI';">Grief surfaces when you think you have it completely under control. </span><br>
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I have been checking off items on my lengthy to-do list today and hoped my plans of remaining overly occupied would keep me from facing this week. </div>
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The week that marks an entire year without a piece of my heart. </div>
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I was doing really well until Londyn said something today that really got to me. I have been selling some of my old clothes over the past few days and this morning she tells me "we should sell all of the baby stuff." I asked why and she said "because Zoe isn't coming back." I was speechless. Those five words out of my 4 year olds mouth hit me like a ton of bricks. </div>
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At that moment, I had to choose to be Zoe's grieving mother or Londyn's nurturing mother. Most days I can juggle both but at that moment, it took every ounce of my emotional strength to hold back the tears, put my pain aside and talk to her about where her sister is, what she is doing and when we will see her again. We talked about why I would miss all of the "baby stuff" because we have special memories with Zoe and those things. She said "I miss Zoe and would miss her things too."</div>
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As much as we would like parenting to come with a manual, neither does grief. </div>
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Taken one year ago today. </div>
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August 26, 2012</div>
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The Armitage Familyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04431564775819384497noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7874383625212926562.post-58805847529031717152013-08-21T18:24:00.001-07:002013-08-22T07:03:24.343-07:00Oh Holy NightExactly a year ago tonight I was rocking my sweet Zoe to sleep for what would be the very last time. Zoe's condition was worsening and there was nothing we as her parents could do. It was decided that although sooner than expected, she needed her second open heart surgery, the Bidirectional Glenn. <br>
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Zoe and I were both exhausted that night from all of the pre-op testing and visiting with her surgeon Dr. John. I had watched Zoe get poked 7 times earlier that day, not including the AM and PM shots we dreaded giving her at home. About an hour after I laid her down in the crib, I finished up all of the last minute preparations for the long and uncertain days/months of recovery ahead. I then snuck back into the nursery and scooped my snuggly little bundle up in my arms. I put some church hymns on and just rocked her. I wept with fear, hope and prayer in my heart for a future with this little spirit that my Heavenly Father sent to our family. I had a prompting that even though I was exhausted, I shouldn't go to bed just yet and relish in that moment. I stayed up with her until 12:30am, just holding her tiny hands, kissing her plump cheeks and holding her as close as I could. <br>
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I have reread my blog <a href="http://armitagehome.blogspot.com/2012/08/zoe-grace-hope-for-better-tomorrow.html">post</a> from that night and it is so hard to look back to that specific moment in time. I wish somehow I could have known that I would never have my Zoe back again. I wish I hadn't slept. I wish I hadn't done anything other than hold her fragile little body. With any kind of loss, there is guilt. There will always be what-ifs. There is a pain inside that's fullness cannot be described. <br>
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How has it been a year already? How has life continued on? Sometimes I'm just so angry and upset that time keeps passing. Sometimes I just want to stop time and scream and yell and lose it because this horrible tragedy has happened to me and my family. Because it kills me than when I'm missing Zoe, my 4 year old is comforting me as if roles have reversed. The other night, Andrew was at work and I was snuggling Londyn in my bed. I told her that I wished I could see Zoe one more time. She told me, "Yeah... but she's in heaven right now. It's okay mom, we'll see her again in a couple days or something." She is always wondering what Zoe is doing. Often times she'll say that Zoe is "probably" doing whatever she's doing. If we're dancing, "Zoe's probably dancing with Jesus right now." <br>
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As a child, an entire year feels like an eternity. As an adult, a year doesn't seem long enough. This past year has been so much of a blur. Between surviving the holiday season, Andrew's new job, Londyn's first year of preschool, starting my own business and getting through all of Zoe's anniversaries. I can't really say how we got from point A to point B. But what's important is that we did. We have felt the greatest peace and deepest of sorrows as a family. I wish I could say that it is all up from here, but that's not how it works. After losing a child, there is no "Get Out of Jail Free" card. As I mentioned before, life goes on. We are still given trials and weaknesses. Not because it isn't fair, but because Heavenly Father loves us and wants us to learn. He never stops giving us opportunities to become more like Him. Zoe enabled us to learn and grow in ways that wouldn't have been possible if she hadn't joined our family. We are truly better people and children of God because of the lessons she taught us. <br>
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My dear friend Laura and I have had kindred conversations about our similar experiences. Her son was diagnosed with a brain tumor at the age of 5. With multiple operations and chemotherapy, he is cancer free and living a life that every boy his age should. Although our situations are different, we have both witnessed miracles and felt peace with God's will. On several occasions Laura has referenced a talk by Elder Shayne M. Bowen from the October 2012 General Conference, titled "<a href="http://www.lds.org/general-conference/2012/10/because-i-live-ye-shall-live-also?lang=eng">Because I Live, Ye Shall Live Also</a>." This talk was given just a little over a month after Zoe died and has brought me so much comfort since then. It is a good reminder when I'm having a rough day. <br>
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After the sudden death of his 8 month old son Tyson, Elder Bowen shares:<br>
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<i style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Sometimes people will ask, “How long did it take you to get over it?” The truth is, you will never completely get over it until you are together once again with your departed loved ones. I will never have a fulness of joy until we are reunited in the morning of the First <a class="no-link-style" href="http://www.lds.org/topics/resurrection?lang=eng" style="border: none !important; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none !important; vertical-align: baseline;">Resurrection</a>.</span></i></div>
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<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><i>“For man is spirit. The elements are eternal, and spirit and element, inseparably connected, receive a fulness of joy;</i></span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><i>“And when separated, man cannot receive a fulness of joy.”<sup class="noteMarker" noteref="3" style="border: 0px; line-height: 1; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: super;"><a href="http://www.lds.org/general-conference/2012/10/because-i-live-ye-shall-live-also?lang=eng#3-10491_000_15bowen" style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">3</a></sup></i></span></span></div>
<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><i><span class="story" style="border: 0px; line-height: 13px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"></span><span style="line-height: 13px;"></span></i></span></span><br>
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<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><i>But in the meantime, as the Savior taught, we can continue with good cheer.<sup class="noteMarker" noteref="4" style="border: 0px; line-height: 1; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><a href="http://www.lds.org/general-conference/2012/10/because-i-live-ye-shall-live-also?lang=eng#4-10491_000_15bowen" style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">4</a></sup></i></span></span></div>
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<i><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;">I have learned that the bitter, almost unbearable pain can become sweet as you turn to your Father in Heaven and plead for His comfort that comes through His plan; His Son, Jesus Christ; and His Comforter, who is the Holy Ghost.</span></i></div>
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<i><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;">What a glorious blessing this is in our lives. Wouldn’t it be tragic if we didn’t feel great sorrow when we lose a child? How grateful I am to my Father in Heaven that He allows us to love deeply and love eternally. How grateful I am for eternal families. How grateful I am that He has revealed once again through His living prophets the glorious plan of redemption.</span></i></div>
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<i><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;">Remember as you attended the funeral of your loved one the feelings in your heart as you drove away from the cemetery and looked back to see that solitary casket—wondering if your heart would break.</span></i></div>
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<i><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;">I testify that because of Him, even our Savior, Jesus Christ, those feelings of sorrow, loneliness, and despair will one day be swallowed up in a fulness of joy. I testify that we can depend on Him and when He said:</span></i></div>
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<i><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;">“I will not leave you comfortless: I will come to you.</span></i></div>
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<i><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;">“Yet a little while, and the world seeth me no more; but ye see me: because I live, ye shall live also.”<sup class="noteMarker" noteref="5" style="border: 0px; line-height: 1; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><a href="http://www.lds.org/general-conference/2012/10/because-i-live-ye-shall-live-also?lang=eng#5-10491_000_15bowen" style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">5</a></sup></span></i></div>
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<i><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;">I testify that, as stated in <span style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Preach My Gospel,</span> “as we rely on the Atonement of Jesus Christ, He can help us endure our trials, sicknesses, and pain. We can be filled with joy, peace, and consolation. All that is unfair about life can be made right through the Atonement of Jesus Christ.”<sup class="noteMarker" noteref="6" style="border: 0px; line-height: 1; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><a href="http://www.lds.org/general-conference/2012/10/because-i-live-ye-shall-live-also?lang=eng#6-10491_000_15bowen" style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">6</a></sup></span></i></div>
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<i><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;">I testify that on that bright, glorious morning of the First Resurrection, your loved ones and mine will come forth from the grave as promised by the Lord Himself and we will have a fulness of joy. Because He lives, they and we shall live also. In the name of Jesus Christ, amen.</span></i></div>
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I am grateful for this precious reminder that Zoe is waiting for us on the other side. Our family is forever and the pain that we feel now is only temporary. A joy greater than we can comprehend is yet to come. </div>
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Many have asked what we have planned for August 31st, the anniversary of Zoe's passing. Lately I have thought a lot about that day and what sticks out the most is how quickly everything happened and the numbing pain that I felt when we gave her to our Funeral Director Deborah and left the hospital without her. Our baby had just died and it was more horrible than I could have ever imagined. Nothing, no amount of time, no warning can prepare you for that loss. Andrew and I are still coming up with a plan for the 31st but know that ultimately, we just need to be together. </div>
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Some have asked if there is anything they can do. My deepest fear is that as years pass by, Zoe will be forgotten. When horrible things happen, eventually everyone else moves on. As a mother, I don't believe you can "get over it" or move on, rather the pain and loss become more manageable. If you would like to do something to remember Zoe, you are welcome to join us on Saturday, August 31st by wearing RED and touching another's life in a positive way. Both of these things always remind me of Zoe. They are small and simple but will bring light to a difficult day. We would love to see photos of all the red and hear about your good deeds for Zoe on Facebook at <a href="https://www.facebook.com/BabyZoeGrace?ref=hl">Zoe Grace: Half a Heart, Full of Love</a>. <br>
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Checking in for surgery at 5:30am on August 22, 2012<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjN-OzTgbH2ZWWn0kSMjsS3eK5ePUaU8Ue81LOp2RuLyG-5UWYoQYW3u7EgbJj6ZAOp2YuszvYxJooW9DI0PfVv_Z8TWH4Hx57mMz7ASGdEB5uJpxFufS6fzvP9gzOiaoMep0wtYleaRhk/s1600/8.22-002.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; "><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjN-OzTgbH2ZWWn0kSMjsS3eK5ePUaU8Ue81LOp2RuLyG-5UWYoQYW3u7EgbJj6ZAOp2YuszvYxJooW9DI0PfVv_Z8TWH4Hx57mMz7ASGdEB5uJpxFufS6fzvP9gzOiaoMep0wtYleaRhk/s400/8.22-002.jpg" width="400"></a></div></div><div class="" style="border: 0px; line-height: 18px; margin-bottom: 20px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;" uri="/general-conference/2012/10/because-i-live-ye-shall-live-also.p41">
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When I look at these photos of Andrew and I, I still remember the hope and relief that we felt that morning. We had made it to the Glenn and this would ensure more time with her. In fact, after we handed her off to the anesthesia nurse... we were eager for this next step. Typically after the Glenn, HLHS kids don't need their third surgery until they are 3-4 years old. We looked forward to a few years of potentially no surgery and a healthier heart for Zozo.</div>
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I wish I had held her just a little longer.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br></div>
<div style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgb2n_JkXitbBCUktXXASlSSLRMXNZS5C5C4okANWDNi_zj5Sbj2cYyH_LO_7AAMueI0mHljjFhIMEmqXH2EUthsTGjMeIpHIo9Gx4PNUfWWCC-UX20Ihu4rf5XzoyquQFsmjbpKcno9JU/s1600/8.22.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; "><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgb2n_JkXitbBCUktXXASlSSLRMXNZS5C5C4okANWDNi_zj5Sbj2cYyH_LO_7AAMueI0mHljjFhIMEmqXH2EUthsTGjMeIpHIo9Gx4PNUfWWCC-UX20Ihu4rf5XzoyquQFsmjbpKcno9JU/s400/8.22.jpg" width="400"></a></div>
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When I look at these photos of Zoe, I think she knew. She was holding on for as long as she could. For us. But she knew she wouldn't need to suffer much longer.</div>
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Our sweet little fighter.</div>
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The Armitage Familyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04431564775819384497noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7874383625212926562.post-62348909079679868202013-08-18T10:24:00.002-07:002013-08-18T10:24:24.551-07:00Milne Family Reunion - Part I<div style="text-align: center;">
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This year is a pretty big changing year for my family. My parents, siblings and I have been fortunate enough to live close to each other (all but one, even in the same small town) since I was an early teen. I have been in the same ward with my parents, and brother Kevin and sister Jenelle's families almost my entire married life. We aren't a perfect family. Is there such a thing? We have our tiffs and occasional drama, but the keyword is "family" and family loves, forgives and supports each other through everything. </div>
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I still remember that horrific moment in my parents kitchen, laughing with them and my sister about who know's what. My phone rang and it was our Obstetrician, calling to explain the results from my 20 week ultrasound and the abnormality that was found on our baby's heart. Beyond many other moments of gratitude for family closeby, that moment was unbeatable. Andrew was at school and I was terrified with this painful and confusing news. From that moment, they were more than there for us with every appointment, test and hospital visit. After all that we have been through, I have found those who I can truly trust and who love me, especially when it is not convenient. The top of that list is family.</div>
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Even though we see each other throughout the week around town, at church and at little get togethers... kids are growing older, work schedules are multiplying and my parents are entering a new phase in their lives, it is becoming clear that we will have fewer opportunities to spend quality and uninterrupted time together. </div>
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My parents rented a beach house in Lincoln City the last week of July. The stars aligned and we were all able to be there. My brother Eric and his family live in Newport, so we were able to have them as much as they could. We even had some extended family come from Washington, Texas and Japan to join in the fun!</div>
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It is no exaggeration when I say that it was the absolute and most amazing family retreat. The house was big enough for each couple to have their own room and the kiddos shared a couple of their own rooms. Every day we had at least one planned activity that was open and optional to everyone. Each family was responsible for a day of meals and we ate at our family's favorite restaurant Mo's on the last night.</div>
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I can honestly say that there was zero drama, tons of laughs, way too much food and long lasting memories made. We were all so sad to leave. That's pretty impressive for a week with anyone's entire family!</div>
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Oregon Aquarium in Newport</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgWSyjBDSejG_p8vKMbfQ4Moup45NFP49jRKy1DYhV2s1pkKlELyWlmtnMvGFEmynqsK8CakiUBOjHjmhB4AQ0HIZkdTvG8FH6qwrWTDTTIS-7zL1m1_fN_Vqw-K40YlKVxIjVv8FT1rP4/s1600/Family+Beach+Reunion.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgWSyjBDSejG_p8vKMbfQ4Moup45NFP49jRKy1DYhV2s1pkKlELyWlmtnMvGFEmynqsK8CakiUBOjHjmhB4AQ0HIZkdTvG8FH6qwrWTDTTIS-7zL1m1_fN_Vqw-K40YlKVxIjVv8FT1rP4/s640/Family+Beach+Reunion.jpg" width="384" /></a></div>
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After a long day of crabbing, the group caught 24 crabs! <br />
We had fresh Crab Louie for dinner.<br />
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Andrew got all the kids to do a Polar Bear Dip at 6:30 in the morning in the freezing cold ocean! They loved it and said they could even do it again!<br />
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<u>Family Sand Sculpture Competition</u><br />
2 hour limit<br />
BYOT (Bring Your Own Tools)<br />
No Fireworks (yes, this rule had to be established)<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjqFAgAqxVIXbEe7KaTTa5s76Y9q7bkZE1C3PHnMytsgYjtAfbDzZXVWno3i7gxaGIhtRaOdl6tr8aUECA55-Ya99xw6pc8xRG_TjIEeey8c_a8w2ZQ7icogWTO19JSDHnxkkvE1Ggdt7w/s1600/CIMG8042.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjqFAgAqxVIXbEe7KaTTa5s76Y9q7bkZE1C3PHnMytsgYjtAfbDzZXVWno3i7gxaGIhtRaOdl6tr8aUECA55-Ya99xw6pc8xRG_TjIEeey8c_a8w2ZQ7icogWTO19JSDHnxkkvE1Ggdt7w/s400/CIMG8042.JPG" width="265" /></a></div>
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Our family tree!<br />
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On the last day, both of my talented sister-in-law's Sarah and Rebecca captured amazing family photos for everyone.<br />
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I was apprehensive, when I first heard that we were doing family pictures. It didn't seem right to take them without Zoe. Although she's always in our hearts, pictures of the three of us seem incomplete without her. Including her framed picture helped and Londyn was proud to hold it.<br />
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We are blessed.<br />
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Gma & Gpa with their 11 Grandkids</div>
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These two are the most amazing parents on earth. We are all grown, but they are still parenting us and we still need them to! The most important role of a parent doesn't never ends! I always say that they must be doing something right to have all of us so close to them. I love and appreciate them more than I can express. They are #1 parents and grandparents. Love you guys!</div>
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Milne Family Reunion PART II - October 2013</div>
The Armitage Familyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04431564775819384497noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7874383625212926562.post-79673744596976143582013-08-12T19:39:00.005-07:002013-08-12T19:39:48.037-07:00Nana Brendi & Papa Tom<div style="text-align: center;">
A few days after I got home from Girls Camp, Andrew's parents came into town for a long overdue visit. We hadn't seen them since Zoe's funeral, close to a year ago. It just doesn't seem possible that it has been that long. Londyn was so excited for them to arrive and especially to share her room with them. Our plan was to have them in Londyn's room and then Lulu on the ground in our room. Londyn said "I could sleep with Nana Brendi in my loft bed. If she doesn't want me to, I won't." The first night, they had a sleepover in Londyn's room and she loved it! I'm not so sure how much Nana & Papa Tom loved waking up at 6:30am with little Miss Busy Body, but she loved every ounce of their attention. </div>
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While they were here, they got to watch Londyn at one of her swim lessons, visit and see Zoe's headstone for the first time and eat at some of our favorite take-out restaurants. </div>
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Andrew's parents drove from Utah through Nevada, camping along the way to Oregon. My father-in-law Tom has an amazing setup with built-in organization and shelving throughout his SUV and trailer. We packed up Friday morning and drove to Florence, where we had our first family camping experience. Florence was gorgeous and our campsite was perfect. </div>
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Londyn had never camped outside of our backyard, so this was a pretty big deal for her. This was legit camping. No flushing toilets or showers. She was a trooper and overcame her fear of the pit toilet. She was always asking for ways to help. Lulu loved when Papa Tom and Nana Brendi let her help with the cooking and setting up the tent. She also loved it when they would take her for walks around the campground. </div>
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While in Florence, we saw the Sea Lion Caves, visited a few different towns and saw gorgeous coastal views. </div>
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Thank you Nana & Papa Tom for the fun memories. We love and miss you!</div>
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The Armitage Familyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04431564775819384497noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7874383625212926562.post-28234694696266650692013-08-11T18:43:00.001-07:002013-08-11T18:43:17.834-07:00Girls Camp - Finding the Hero Within<div style="text-align: center;">
Last Fall I was called to be the Ward Girls Camp Director. I was instantly ecstatic when the bishopric approached me with this calling because it had been a year since I was released from Young Women's and wanted to somehow still be involved with the amazing girls in our ward. </div>
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After months of preparing and planning, our home away from home was at Camp Kilowan in Dallas, Oregon. It was the most crazy, fun, exhausting, delicious and filthy week I have had in a very long time. Our days started at about 7:30am and was scheduled to finish at about 11pm, but some nights I was still up getting girls to bed until 2am. </div>
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{Campfire}</div>
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{Ward Skit}</div>
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{Bishopric Night}</div>
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{Bishop's Skit}</div>
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{Hiking}</div>
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For my rookie year, we had 35 girls in our ward at camp! That is more than twice as many girls in most of the other wards. With our large group, we had the biggest cabin with our own bathrooms and showers. It was awesome!</div>
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One of my favorite parts of camp was being there with 6 of my nieces. I had never been away from Londyn more than 2 days, so you can imagine how apprehensive I was to leave her for 5 days. Having my nieces there made it so special and kept me from missing my family too much.</div>
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{Mikayla, Megan, Kamry, Kaylee, Mary & Jennifer}</div>
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I still can't believe that it has been 9 years since I was last at Girls Camp. I have so many amazing memories and friendships from those years that coming back as a leader could not have been timed more perfectly. Not only is camp filled with fun activities, food and goofing around, there is an intense spiritual high. Taking a break from the chaos of everyday life, social media and schedules and just being surrounded by blossoming testimonies of Christ is a truly inspiring experience. While there, I could feel the Spirit continuously and I feel closest to Zoe when I feel the Spirit. Throughout the entire week, I saw Zoe in the many righteous young women there. I saw so much of her beauty and grace in each and every one of their countenances. At times I was saddened by the reminder that Zoe will miss out on opportunities like Girls Camp, school dances, college, marriage, her own babies... etc. The reality is that my sadness was more for myself than for her. </div>
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We had a testimony meeting on the very last night. This was a time for the girls to stand in front of the camp and share their faith and what they believe. During that very sacred time, I had a distinct impression that my experiences at camp were a glimpse of what it is like for Zoe in heaven. Zoe is surrounded by righteous individuals, sharing and teaching the Gospel and feeling our Savior's love. She is learning, laughing, loving and feeling joy. Zoe is at peace where Heavenly Father needs her to be. I will always treasure the peace and comfort that came from the Spirit I felt that night.</div>
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When I was called to be a leader at Girls Camp, I was excited to help our ward young women grow and develop spiritually. Little did I know, Heavenly Father was helping me.</div>
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The Armitage Familyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04431564775819384497noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7874383625212926562.post-49044154537902005712013-07-06T16:30:00.000-07:002013-07-06T16:30:16.278-07:00Fourth of July Weekend<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
It's amazing to me that July 4th, 2013 has already come and gone. This time last year, we were enjoying our little family of four. Zoe had just been discharged from the hospital after her G-Tube procedure and weeklong stay following her first stroke. We were so blessed to be out of the hospital in time to celebrate Londyn's 3rd birthday. Andrew had honored his priesthood and given Zoe a beautiful father's blessing with our family and ward bishopric in my parents home. We were then in the midst of Zoe's condition beginning to worsen. Her breathing was more strained than usual, cough becoming more violent and O2 sats dropping into the 60's. I can still feel the fear that continued to build with each day that I watched my poor baby struggle more and more. She fought so hard.</div>
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I'm so grateful that my sister-in-law Sarah was able to capture what would be our only family portrait. This was taken on the back steps of Eric and Sarah's house. We had a small BBQ there for the 4th and lit fireworks as a family.</div>
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This was the first time all of the Milne grandkids were able to hold Zoe. With the concern of germs, this was a big occasion. The cousins had been so patient. I'm so glad we did this then because for most of them, this was the only time they got to hold their angel cousin.</div>
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We are so blessed to have eternal families and to know that we can be together forever, even after our time here on earth. We miss you so much Zoe.</div>
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This year, we had a wonderful Fourth celebration.</div>
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We started the day off at a ward 4th of July breakfast. The spread was pretty impressive!</div>
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Pancakes from scratch, eggs, sausage and lots of fruit!</div>
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After breakfast, we went to the Sherwood Summer Festival. Lulu played carnival games, enjoyed a small petting zoo and we all played glow-in-the-dark mini golf.</div>
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In the evening, we had a small family BBQ with my parents and sister Jenelle's family. The food and family were fabulous, but the fireworks were pretty amazing. We had all contributed our own little supply of fireworks but a young man from down the street repeatedly entertained us with his illegal stash of fireworks. He wasn't exactly "all there" but was extremely generous nonetheless! Let's just say, he was equally as entertaining as the fireworks display.</div>
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We continued with the family fun the next day at Hagg Lake with my parents and the Christensen's. My Dad has had his boat for a little over a year now and this was our second time getting to go out on it. </div>
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The first time was at the very same lake. We hadn't been able to get out of the house very much, so my dad made a special trip to take us out with my brother Kevin's family. My dad and I took turns staying in the shade with Zoe and doing everything we could to keep her cool and comfortable.</div>
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Just like all of our firsts after Zoe, it was bittersweet to be back at Hagg Lake. Being with family and having a blast in perfect weather made it a fun and relaxing experience.</div>
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Andrew tried water skiing and I tried knee boarding. To summarize, we are both very sore!</div>
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Lulu LOVES Papa's boat. She was the most easygoing child I have ever seen. We were up and out the door by 8:30am and didn't get home until 8pm. Not once did she complain!</div>
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To conclude a fabulous holiday weekend, I took Lulu to the local Farmer's Market and to play at the water fountains today. </div>
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When isn't this kid dancing?!</div>
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To cool down, she got a tasty ice cream DONUT sandwich</div>
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I love these Summer days!</div>
The Armitage Familyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04431564775819384497noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7874383625212926562.post-34320992362165051572013-07-06T15:33:00.005-07:002013-07-06T15:33:52.049-07:004 years<div class="separator" style="clear: both;">
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For Lulu's actual birthday, we had a Mommy/Daughter date ALL DAY LONG!</div>
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We started the day off at Safari Sam's. She loved playing in the jungle gym and on the bounce houses.</div>
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After working up an appetite, we went to Sweet Tomatoes for lunch. </div>
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So proud to be 4!</div>
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After a much needed nap, Grandpa and Grandma Milne took us out to Lulu's favorite restaurant, Red Robin. She ordered her usual- mac & cheese, fruit and "regular" lemonade.</div>
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After opening her gifts from Gma & Gpa, she was determined to haul/drag the large bag out to the car on her own. </div>
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Along with the extreme Heart House makeover, we gave Londyn her first big girl bike with training wheels. She was a pro from the very first try! She even had a tumble on the sidewalk and got a scraped knee, but got back on and kept riding. That's our girl!</div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18px; text-align: left;">Happy 4th Birthday to my first born lovey girl. She lights up every room, fills our lives with joy and always keeps us laughing!</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br style="background-color: white; line-height: 18px; text-align: left;" /><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18px; text-align: left;">We are so grateful for our cutie girl, diva, baby face, dance lover, best snuggles, most sincere prayers, little comedian, most thoughtful big sister, craftaholic, sassy pants Londie-Lou. </span><br style="background-color: white; line-height: 18px; text-align: left;" /><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18px; text-align: left;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18px; text-align: left;">Happy Birthday sweet girl!</span></span></div>
The Armitage Familyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04431564775819384497noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7874383625212926562.post-18325084771743842502013-06-30T08:13:00.003-07:002013-06-30T08:48:08.983-07:00Lulu's Butterfly Birthday<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
In Londyn's 3rd year, she aged much more than any 3 year old should. She learned and saw things that I hadn't in all my 26 years. Selfishly, Lulu's 4th birthday means a lot to me. Zoe had just been discharged from her week long hospital stay the day before Lulu's 3rd birthday party. It was a miracle that Londyn was able to have her sister there to celebrate. I remember having one of those blissful moments where I had Zoe in the front pack and Londyn was blowing out her candles... and all felt normal for a brief moment. I cherish those memories. This year has come with many challenges to find ourselves in a new light and rebuild from the rubble that settles after child loss. Heavenly Father really knew what he was doing when he blessed me with Londyn. She is at such a fun age and a really good, easy kid! Without her, I don't know how I would get out of bed in the morning. I don't know if I would have the desire to try. It is because of this little joy in my life that I have every reason to get out of bed and continue with my resolution to FIND SOME FUN! She deserves to be a kid and and experience all of the beautiful things that this life has to offer. We all deserve to find joy in this journey, no matter how many roadblocks come our way.</div>
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Londyn has been determined to have a butterfly themed party for months now. I was a little hesitant to start planning because she has never really expressed an interest in butterflies before. I was worried she would change her mind! Even if she did... my motto is, "You get what you get and you don't throw a fit!"</div>
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Lulu was lucky that 12 out of 13 girls were able to attend her party. She is really lucky to have so many girls her age closeby! This was a treat because it is rare that they all get a chance to play together at the same time. Because really... what sane person has a playdate with twelve 3 to 4 year old girls? Oh... this one! (minus the sane part)</div>
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Decorations </div>
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Butterfly PB&J's</div>
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Decorate Butterfly Wands</div>
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The biggest hit was the Little Heart House. We bought this used playhouse last Spring and planned to revamp it for Londyn and Zoe. Our plan was to decorate it with pink and red with hearts. Our was from inspiration the darling houses on Martha's Vineyard. <br>
Since we don't know how long we will be in this home, we decided to make it more generic for future residents to enjoy. It is still a work in progress but we got the bulk of it done over the past two weeks. We surprised Lulu with it completely transformed for her birthday! Inside we put a play kitchen with table and chairs. When she saw the kitchen, she said "A kitchen in my heart house?! It's what I've always wanted!" <br>
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She loves it!</div>
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It was fun to watch the girls play in the house because it was like a classic clown car. Girls just kept piling in! I was amazed they could all fit and actually play!</div>
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{Butterfly Candy Bags}</div>
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who knew a clothespin, snack sized plastic bag and pipe cleaners could transform into a cute little butterfly!</div>
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Lulu's friends all gave her such lovely things. She is such a lucky little girl. Not because of all her gifts but because she has so many sweet little friends.</div>
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<div style="text-align: center;">Thank You's & Hugs</div>
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At the end I gave each girl a butterfly net and tossed foam bugs in the air for them to catch. Some of them couldn't get enough of this game!</div>
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The past 4 years with this little butterfly have been the greatest blessing. </div>
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We love our Londyn Joy.</div>
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The Armitage Familyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04431564775819384497noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7874383625212926562.post-11528101900308807042013-06-29T20:52:00.001-07:002013-06-29T20:52:22.487-07:00Innovative Dance Recital<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
Lulu has loved every minute of dance at Innovative Dance this year. She showed off of star quality at the end of the year recital on June 22nd. We were only allowed to record during dress rehearsal, but she was the cutest thing on stage during the big performance. I love my little performer! </div>
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After recital I took Lulu to her favorite restaurant Red Robin for her usual... mac & cheese. </div>
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While waiting for our food, I snapped a few of Londyn's staple faces.</div>
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Like mother, like daughter...</div>
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Who would've thought 24 years ago, I would be posing in my tap shoes just like my daughter.</div>
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<br />The Armitage Familyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04431564775819384497noreply@blogger.com1