At Zoe's funeral, we asked for guests to bring stuffed animals which would be given to the children at Randall Children's Hospital. We were overwhelmed with the amount of generosity that was shown by many in honor of our sweet baby. Not only did we receive stuffed animals, but also blankets, a quilt and several Scentsy Buddies. The contributions were not only made at the funeral but we continued to receive packages in the mail from friends, family and strangers near and far, for weeks following the service.
It has been close to three months since that day and we have yet to deliver the stuffed animals. Andrew has been wanting to take them up to the hospital before Christmas so they would have lots for the kids there during such a difficult time of year. I on the other hand have been hesitant. No... hesitant is an understatement. More like terrified. I put on a brave face, but I am afraid to lose it and fear that being there will evoke all of my deepest and most raw emotions to do just that.
The last time we were at the hospital was when we held Zoe in our arms for the very last time. Flashing back to those precious few moments that we were given with her after she was taken off of life support are more than unexplainable. They are sacred. Going back to the hospital where we lived for many weeks and seeing the people that we shared our family and hearts with will be bittersweet.
Tomorrow at 4pm, we plan to see Paula, our dear friend and Cardiac Case Manager and Lynn, who was the Child Life Specialist that spent Zoe's last few days with us and Londyn. Londyn loves Lynn and remembers that Lynn did her hand prints with Zoe's footprints at the hospital. Both are kindred spirits and I am really looking forward to giving them both big hugs!
Today I gathered all the stuffed animals, sorted them and loaded them up in the car. We have 4 huge bags, a ginormous tote and a medium sized box full of stuffed animals.
This is "Seahorse." A friend in our ward gave this to us when Zoe was first born. Zoe loved the music that Seahorse played and would fall asleep to it on a regular basis. We took Seahorse in the car with us, to appointments and hospital stays. My Mom donated a brand new seahorse to the hospital kids and I hope that another little one will find comfort in it as much as we have.
Andrew's friend Erin is a Marine here in Portland and even though I haven't really met them, I feel as though I know more about them than they probably realize. Their baby girl was diagnosed with SMA (Spinal Muscular Atrophy) and has been in and out of Randall's for weeks. They are currently in the PICU there and we are so excited to visit them. They are going through so many similar experiences and I my heart truly goes out to them. They are are struggling with lots of decisions and arrangements to make, but hopefully our support will bring comfort to both them and us.
On a sweet note, I was snooping around under the tree last night and found these two gems. My husband is
absolutely, positively amazing. Thank you babe.