12.27.2011

Christmas 2011

Stockings

 Presents

Brunch & Presents @ Grandma & Papa Milne's



After church, we all met back up at my parents' house to stuff our bellies with a delish ham and prime rib dinner.  The cousins had their traditional gift exchange.  Londyn got a Pillow Pet from "her Mary" which she loves!  My dad gave the kids a Taylor Swift karaoke DVD and the whole family got in on the off key activity.  

It was a perfect Christmas.  We have been so blessed this year and especially this holiday season.  I always knew we were loved, but after this last month - it is undeniable.

I am still so emotional over the insanely thoughtful Christmas Elf who stopped at our doorstep last week, and to our surprise- that wasn't the end of anonymous gifts to our family.  When we returned home on Christmas Eve night, we saw another large gift bag.  When we opened it up- there was an envelope of gift cards, a large stuffed Eeyore and a bunch of Disney princess figurines for Londyn.  We were speechless.  
To top it all off, our Bishop brought Andrew into his office on Christmas day and told him that the ward members have been thinking of us.  He then gave Andrew an envelope of gift cards for groceries and Target.  
The generosity from friends, ward members and family is overwhelming.  We are not alone in this journey.  I have especially been concerned about all of the extra spending that will come when baby Zoe arrives, and all of these gift cards are an answer to my prayers.

Merry Christmas and thank you all for giving our family hope.     

And the envelope please...

This entire pregnancy has been completely different than the first, so our thoughts all along have been that this baby is a boy.  We have been waiting since November 25th to open THE ENVELOPE and the time finally came on Christmas Eve night.  It was 10pm and we had just gotten home from spending the evening with family... it was way past Lulu's bedtime.  Here it goes...



As you can see, we are shocked!  It's a GIRL!  Her name is Zoe and we cannot wait to have another little princess in our hearts and home.

Christmas Eve

For Christmas Eve, we started off with our annual exchange of new pajamas.  Andrew got me the perfect jammies, I got him a t-shirt with a "joke" that only a nerd could understand and Londyn got a pink giraffe print set.  

We then spent the evening with my brother Kevin's family and my parents.  Every year, Kevin and Bec host Christmas Eve Bingo and yummy homemade soup!  We had so much fun playing Bingo and everyone loved their prizes.  We then stayed until 10pm playing games, hanging out and having a blast with the Milne family!  

"Santa" and Rudolph made a brief appearance outside the house in the dark night.  Londyn could not believe it!  She ran and told Papa that she saw Santa and then showed Andrew that Santa was just outside the window.



My oldest niece Mikayla and I.  I love my nieces and nephew!

12.21.2011

The Christmas Elf

I am in awe of the anonymous Christmas Elf who blessed our family with such generosity today.  
It is a rare occasion, but I am genuinely speechless.  

You are so much more than a Christmas Elf, but an Angel to our family.

From the bottom of our hearts, thank you.



12.20.2011

Service

It has been a rough month for us, but we have had so many opportunities to be grateful and happy!  With all of the testing, doctor's visits and waiting for news... the holidays have brought a peaceful spirit that has been the most beautiful distraction from all the stress and worry.  

I just want to say that we are forever humbled by all of your many acts of service for our family.  We have received meals, countless plates of goodies on our doorstep, flowers, heartfelt notes, e-mails and text messages of love and support, offers to babysit Londyn and even friends taking me out to lunch just to get out and away. 


After lots of thought and prayer, we have decided that after winter break Andrew will no longer be working while he is in school.  We feel that this is an important time for him to focus on school and for us to prepare for the birth of our baby in April.  This way he will have a little more time for studying, going to appointments with me and just spending time together.  I am really looking forward to taking as much pressure off of Andrew as possible.  It won't be easy but right now, it is the best decision for us.

Last week, he explained to his supervisor at work about our situation.  His job has been so accommodating over the last few years.  They have constantly worked with Andrew missing work for monthly drills with the Marines and always-changing school schedules.  They even told him that if he ever wanted to come back, there would be a job waiting.  Andrew's work ethic has always been one of my favorite qualities.  He has had three different employers since we've been married and they all have just loved him.  At his work Christmas party yesterday, each employee was given a $75.00 gift card to Fred Meyer.  His manager Frank came up to him, expressed how sorry he was about our baby and that it wasn't much but he wanted Andrew to have his bonus.  This man doesn't know our family very well, but without much thought was so willing to give.  It makes me so emotional.  

This Christmas will always have a special place in my heart.  I will forever be reminded of it's true meaning.

Big News!

Yesterday was filled with big news and I am just itching to share!


A few weeks ago, Andrew had an interview with Intel for a Manufacturing Technician position.  Intel was recruiting at the college he attends for students getting their AAS degree in 2012.  He felt good about the interview but it didn't make the weeks of waiting any easier.  Yesterday he received a phone call with an official job offer, which will begin in September.  He will be working 12 hour shifts, Wednesday through Friday and every other Saturday.  Not only will he be working in the industry he has always dreamed of, he will be employed by a great company.  They offer their employees ample benefits and opportunity for growth.  

I can't even begin to express how proud I am of Andrew for getting this job.  Employment isn't easy these days and he already has a job lined up 9 months before he's even finished with his degree!  This job is such a blessing for us right now!  God is truly watching closely over us during this time.  Our baby will be born in April and just five months later we will have a steady income AND medical, dental & vision insurance.  The best part of all?  Watching him succeed and follow his dreams.  

This getup is what the Mr. will be wearing at work every day.  Cute... eh?

Now... for the rest of our big news!

I got a call back from our genetic counselor and the results on the test for DiGorge Syndrome were finally in.  The test came back normal!  This completes the results from the amniocentesis and I am so relieved that our baby's congenital heart defect is not genetically related.  What a relief!  This reduces the risk of further complications with the Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome.  This positive news is just what we needed.  I was starting to doubt the possibility of more than just bad news.  We WILL get through this and come out a stronger family unit.  

12.16.2011

O' Christmas Tree

We planned on getting a beautiful noble tree this year, but life happened and this 4.5 foot tree out of my parents' stash is just as wonderful... mostly because of the memories that will be made with it in our home this holiday season.

Decorating the tree with the little miss was even better than I had hoped it would be.  She had a special spot for every ornament and handled each one like they were made of diamonds and gold.  She was obsessed with placing the star on top of the tree but we kept having to remind her that we were saving it for the very end.  

 


We can't wait to open this little gift on our mantle, first thing Christmas morning.


This night as a family is going to be pretty tough to beat.

Meeting Dr. Flath

We had our first visit with our new obstetrician at Emmanuel yesterday.  His name is Dr. Flath and he is the father of our neighbor Katie.  After our first appointment, I feel very comfortable with him and he seems to really care about us.  The appointment was very simple... pee in a cup, step on the dreaded scale, blood pressure, listen to baby's heartbeat and measure the bump.  Dr. Flath explained how he would like to transfer all of our care to Emmanuel, so as to keep everyone on the same page and location.  We talked about my difficult delivery experience with Londyn and he assured us that with all of the doctor's involved, this time around will be much smoother.  He also addressed the coordination of our cardiologists surgery schedule and date of delivery.  He feels that a scheduled Cesarean Section would be the best option, as to meet everyone's convenience.  At first I was relieved because out of all the unknown with this baby, our baby's birthday will be something to look forward to.  Shortly thereafter, I was hit with the reality of surgery and a difficult recovery... not being able to hold my baby after he/she is born... which was something I was looking forward to, considering I won't be able to hold our baby for the first month of life.  Positives?  I will get to stay in the hospital and be near our baby longer.  The cesarean will be performed by Dr. Flath and there is no guarantee with a regular delivery.  With a cesarean, there is more control of our baby's stability and condition.  Overall, it is what it is and if it is better for both myself and our baby- than it is the only way.  

Dr. Flath would like to see me every 2 weeks and has referred us to be seen by a new Perinatologist, Dr. Merrill and our already established Pediatric Cardiologist on January 5th.  On the 5th, we will have another ultrasound, echocardiogram and exam with both doctors.  By the way, our 3-hour appointment is @ 7 IN THE MORNING... and it takes us an hour to get to there.  Yikes.  Can we say Big Gulp Diet Coke?  

As far as insurance... we are still not in the clear.  The plan that I chose when I first applied for the Oregon Health Plan was a Providence plan, as we were planning on delivering in a Providence facility with a Providence Provider.  Now that we are transferring all of our care to Legacy Emmanuel, my insurance will only cover the providers- not the delivery.  After all of the headaches with OHP, I was hoping we wouldn't face anymore.  But it turns out the insurance saga continues.  I have feared calling my case worker to inquire on switching to a plan that will cover the hospital, for them to drop my coverage because I have a very high risk and expensive case.  After speaking with Dr. Flath's staff, I was told that they cannot legally cancel my coverage.  With severity of our situation, OHP should have no reason to deny the switch because it is medically necessary to deliver at Emmanuel.  We have no other option.  

All in all, the visit was a success and we have 17 more weeks to prepare with this gifted team of physicians for the birth of our baby.  

12.13.2011

Christmas Cheer for All to Hear

Is it me or is this month just flying by?!

Christmas is literally next week and we still don't have our tree up or any other decorations for that matter.  The extent of Christmas in our home has been the frequent mugs of hot cocoa at night and the holiday-scented candles.  Luckily, Grandma Milne has enough Christmas at her house for the whole town... so we all get our fix over there, without even lifting one box.  

Londyn is obsessed with everything Christmas.  On a daily basis, she ooohs and aaaaahs at all of the decorated houses that we drive by, sings "Jingle Bells" over and over again, randomly proclaims "HO, HO, HO"... and asks to watch a Christmas movie.  This morning I was dropping her off at my mom's house before heading to work and I asked Lulu what she was going to do with Grandma today.  She said she was going to "play with LOTS of Santa's ALL day."  

Tomorrow, Andrew will be taking his last final for the term and then we plan to decorate our Christmas tree as a family.  I am so excited to decorate our tree with Lulu!  It is so amazing how she was still bald and babbling this time last year, and now she is our little/big girl... running, dancing, talking, joking and bringing us so much joy!  We really don't need all of the glitz and fluff of the holidays... but it sure makes for fun memories made together.

Lulu and I just got finished watching How the Grinch Stole Christmas and making ornaments for our tree.  She was so proud!


12.10.2011

Out on the Town

22 week Bump


We were able to go out tonight to my office Christmas party.  I'm pretty sure I had the hottest date.


The party was at the Amadeus Manor, a cozy establishment in Milwaulkie with an Austrian-inspired flare.  The five course meal was a delicious experience and it was nice to get out and try something new!  Although I work in our Sherwood office and most everyone else works in the Portland office, I have known most of the staff since I was a kid.  These people are not only coworkers, but friends.  Any chance I can get to see them is a treat!

Accentuate the Positive

"You've got to accentuate the positive
Eliminate the negative
Latch on to the affirmitive Don't mess with Mister In-Between"
These days, my goal is to follow the words of the fabulous and oh-so-handsome Bing Crosby.

True to my usual response to just about anything... I start out very emotional and overwhelmed, soon followed by work mode.  I like to attribute work mode to my parents who always emphasized the fact that when there's a problem... DO!

A week ago, I wasn't able to Google Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome, but this week I was able to start researching and looking into our baby's condition and what happens now.  Although I am still hesitant to dive into resources like support groups and talking to other parents of children with this defect, I am feeling ready to start planning for the year ahead of us.

I spent several days looking into our options after baby is born.  It has come to our attention that while this condition is rare, the surgery is very well-known and has been successfully practiced for many years.  Outside of Oregon, there are several facilities that specialize in children's heart transplants and heart surgery.  Also, there is a fairly new option of fetal intervention at the Boston Children's Hospital.  Both the heart transplant and fetal intervention options are very risky and are not recommended unless the Fontan Sequence is unsuccessful.  With the help of various contacts in the medical field and research of my own, we are feeling very confident in receiving treatment here in Oregon.  Not to mention the stress it would add on the baby and our family to travel and seek out of state care.  

We have been really lucky to have great neighbors- Bobby, Katie and their 18 month old Lucy.  Katie is a labor & delivery nurse AND her dad just happens to be an Obstetrician at the hospital we will need to deliver baby Armitage.  Katie talked to her dad about our case and he not only confirmed that Dr. King, our Pediatric Cardiologist is the best of the best- but that he would be more than happy to take over our care.  I was able to set up an appointment with him next week and we will go from there.  I was nervous about finding another OB that we could trust and here we have one just fall into our lap!  The best part?  My OHP plan is through Providence because my care was planned to be all through Providence providers and facilities.  Now that we are being transferred to Legacy Emmanuel, I was worried we wouldn't be covered.  BUT, both our new OB and Pediatric Cardiologist are networked with Providence insurance plans.  

Now for the very best news this week... we received 2 out of 3 results from the amniocentesis and our baby has all 23 pairs of chromosomes testing normal.  The last test is for DiGeorge Syndrome, an abnormality in the 22 chromosome.  Our genetic counselor Jeri told me that after seeing the other results, it would be very rare for the DiGeorge Syndrome to come out positive- but she will notify me as soon as they know, which should be within the next two weeks.

As for home life, Londyn hasn't been herself this last week.  She hasn't been sleeping well, won't eat much and the most alarming... doesn't want to participate in her dance classes.  She loves to talk dance class up, but when we get there- she just wants me to sit with her by the door in class.  I have a feeling that she is acting on the stress and chaos of what is going on, so we are just trying to stick to her normal routine.  I am making more of a point to give her lots of snuggles and special time with as much undivided attention as I can give.  Through all of this, she is the best distraction from worry and stress.  Christmas is an especially sweet experience this year.  She is all about Santa, Jingle Bells, snowmen, Christmas trees and decorated houses.  At night, we've been reading Christmas stories and when we talk about Mary & Joseph, she calls them "Mommy & Daddy"... and of course, baby Jesus is " baby brother, sister".

Tree Lighting & Parade in Old Town Sherwood

Dress Up Day @ Dance Class

We are anxiously awaiting Christmas morning, as an envelope labeled "Gender" sits on our mantle... just itching to be opened.  It will certainly be THE BEST Christmas gift of the year.  

12.07.2011

Gratitude for His Plan

Today I started thinking about the change that has taken place in our home.  I don't know if it is because of the holidays or the tragic news, but there is more warmth and love in our family.  I started to piece together what I think is the answer.

A little over a month ago, I was released from my church calling as Beehive Advisor in our ward.  I had been in YW's for two years. Needless to say, it was VERY hard to break up with the Young Women's organization.

The last few months of my calling, I was struggling with Andrew being gone at school and work all the time, while trying to attend my meetings/activities/visits to the girls with Londyn in tow.  I was starting to doubt whether my time was up.

It was the day after the YW's President and I had figured out a solution that I was sadly released!  I was so bummed and couldn't understand why I had felt so rejuvenated with our new plan if I was meant to be released.  As pathetic as it sounds, I was in a funk... feeling out of place in my new calling as a Primary Teacher with Andrew.

Over a month later, I love being in Primary and most of all, spending Sunday's with my husband.  We have so much fun with the kids in our class and I love seeing how much they adore Brother Armitage.  A calling I wasn't so sure about, has become such a blessing to our family.  My husband's absence during the week was extremely hard for us and having this extra time together at church has brought us so much closer together.    

This all leads me to my next thought... I was bitter when I was released from my calling, because I didn't have all the answers.  With the now overwhelming condition of our baby, there is no way I could have juggled my calling in Young Women's and be an effective leader.  My sour feelings have now turned into gratitude, and I hope He can forgive me for questioning His divine intervention.

Heavenly Father always has a plan for us and we just have to have faith that it will all work out.  His plan for our new baby is truly divine and unlike most, just as most trials begin without understanding... become beautiful blessings.

12.05.2011

Fear

It has been 6 days since we received the news that will change the course of our family's future for the rest of our lives.  When you go in for your 20 week ultrasound, the most you are usually concerned about is whether you will be welcoming a baby girl or boy into the world.  I never expected to hear the near paralyzing news that we received last Thursday.

The most common question has been, "so how are you really doing?"  My standard answer is "we're doing okay, pretty good... as well as can be expected."  It is so hard to answer this question.  How am I really doing?  I don't know.  I am all over the place... mentally and emotionally.  In one sense, I am grateful that our baby is okay at this very moment in time.  He/she is protected and cared for in my belly.  I am doing everything I possibly can for this baby right now.  On the other hand, I am terrified.  When we first found out we were pregnant, my biggest fear was another labor and delivery gone wrong.  Giving birth to Londyn was the most physically trying event in my life thus far and doing that all over again has been weighing on me for the last 5 months.  Now, the delivery is the least of my concerns.  We have so many doctors on our side that I am without a doubt confident that the birth of our precious baby will be in the best of hands.

The most difficult part of all of this is fear of the unknown.  I fear the moment when after the birth, they whisk my baby away to the NICU to receive the necessary medicine needed to keep our baby's heart functioning.  I fear the moment when they release me from the hospital and I am forced to return home empty-handed... no newborn baby swaddled in the newly installed car seat.  I fear sleeping in my bed for the first time without a baby in my belly or waking up to a baby needing me every 2 hours to be fed and comforted.  I fear how we will juggle all of the many visits to the hospital to see our baby fight for his/her life.  I fear for that first surgery on our tiny baby's heart... waiting and waiting to know if the procedure was successful.  I fear for all of the fear.  At times it is just too overwhelming and all I can hold onto is "normal".  Normal is tucking our little girl in at night and singing Jingle Bells over and over again upon request.  Normal is snuggling on the couch with your husband, belly laughing while watching The Conan Show.  Normal is arguing with my two year old in the car because she says "no home, mama... I go shopping!"  Normal is feeling the tender kicks of our baby and knowing he/she is full of life.  I have never cherished normal more than I do now.

The first two days following our appointment- I alternated from laying on the couch or in bed sobbing.  I would alternate feeling strong and empowered one minute, to fragile and completely out of control the next.  I didn't even acknowledge the frequent calls and e-mails of concern and support.  All I wanted was to be with my husband and daughter.

Andrew has been such a strength to me.  Even though he is grieving too, he is always comforting me and making me feel better.  On Sunday, we decided to fast and I was so dead set on fasting that I planned to fast for the full two meals.  He wasn't having that, so when I came downstairs after taking a nap- he had made me lunch and was not expecting anything less than for me to eat it all.  I obeyed and was grateful because there was no way I could or should have waited until 5pm to eat.  Our baby needs all the nutrition he/she can get from me.

As for Londyn, I have always known that Heavenly Father sent her sweet and sassy little spirit to me for a reason, but it is times like these that I am so thankful for her innocence and love for life.  She makes me want to get out of bed and experience the world through her eyes, even when I feel like doing the very opposite.  She makes me smile, when all I feel like doing is crawling up in a ball and crying.  I have always known that her middle name "Joy" was inspired, because she brings joy to everyone and everything in this world.

This is the beginning of a journey.  A journey through the many tests and trials of life on this earth.  At this point, I have no choice but to rely on my Father in Heaven.  Our family has to get through this and without Him, there is no other way.  I will continue to pray, take care of this baby and love my family.  That is all I can do for now.

Ward Christmas FHE

Hello Kitty jammies & slippers


Lulu made great strides with Santa this year.  For the ward FHE, all the kids were asked to bring a toy for Santa to give to a child in need.  Londyn helped pick out the Mr. Potato Head toy earlier at the store and couldn't stop talking about going to the "Santa Party" to give Santa his present. 

Lulu would only stand in line to Santa with her cousin Mary.  Lots of Mary lovin'!

12.01.2011

Baby News

Please forgive me for all of the e-mails, texts and phone calls that I have yet to return.  Emotions are very raw at this time and we are just plain exhausted.  So, here is our news...

Two days ago I received a phone call from my Obstetrician that no expecting parent wants to receive... an abnormality was found on my 20 week ultrasound and he thought that the baby's heart might be too small.  He said it was urgent for me to see a Perinatologist for a closer look.

I spent the last two days crying, praying and crying more and more.  Today was the day, Andrew and I headed to the NW Perinatology Center where our 4 hour long appointment began.  We started with another ultrasound, where it was confirmed that something was seriously wrong with our baby's heart.  Dr. King, a very experienced Pediatric Cardiologist came in and diagnosed that our baby has Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome.  This rare congenital heart defect is where the left side of the heart doesn't grow properly.  After birth, the left side of the heart isn't able to pump enough blood to the lungs and rest of the body.  Without surgery, this condition is fatal.

The Cardiologist gave us two different options that need to take place within the first week of birth.  The first option is a heart transplant, which is not offered in the state of Oregon and the availability for infant hearts is rare, not to mention it would be very risky to transport our newborn baby in such a fragile state of life.  Our second option is a Three-stage surgery to reconstruct the heart.  The first surgery would be within a few days of birth, the second surgery would be between 4 and 12 months old and the last surgery would be between 18 months and 3 years of age.  The Cardiologist also explained that following these surgeries, our child may suffer from some learning disabilities and will have a difficult time with athletics as he/she will become easily fatigued.  He also explained that this does not take away from the fact that our child can be very successful and live a full and relatively normal life.

After receiving all of this overwhelming information, they performed an amniocentesis to find out if their was any genetic connection with this defect.  If this is the case, their might not be any options for our baby at all.  The Cardiologist said that it is very rare, but must be done- just in case.  We will receive the results in about 9-14 days.

This is has been such an emotional time for both Andrew and I.  At first, I was devastated and could barely hear all of the information that was being thrown at us.  It was exhausting... mentally, physically and emotionally.  After the appointment, Andrew and I finally had a chance to talk about everything.  We started thinking about all of the positives in this situation and there really are so many.  We are very thankful to have such an amazing team of caring specialists that know what their doing.  We are blessed that our baby even has options for a successful quality of life and that the means to do so are right in front of us.  We received news yesterday that Londyn, baby and I are all covered under the Oregon Health Plan- so now we will have insurance for the extensive medical care in our baby's future.  We are so fortunate to have lots of family around for all of the love and support that we will need over these next few trying years.

Heavenly Father has really blessed our family thus far and the unknown that we are entering is just another test of our faith.  In the last few days, I have found myself really wondering if my prayers were being heard.  After being overcome with a sense of peace and hope for our baby and family, I know that He is listening and watching over us.

We are so thankful for all of your prayers, meals, visits, texts and e-mails - showing your love for our family.