Anxiety & Motherhood

It has been almost 3 weeks since Londyn turned two and if it is even possible, I am more and more in love with her every day.  Now we may just be having a really good few weeks but I am enjoying this stage of her life more than any other so far.  I love that she can tell me how she feels, what she wants and is constantly sharing her sassy personality.  She is ALWAYS talking... I wonder where she gets that from?

The only difficult part of this stage so far is that I find myself reverting back to being the mom of a newborn that I never was.  When Londyn first entered my world, I was never afraid to put her in the crib after two weeks... I let her cry it out with little hesitation... we let go of the baby monitor after just a few months... and the list goes on.  It wasn't until lately that I have become much more anxious and more protective of her.  It is the strangest and most foreign feeling.  At night, when I lay in bed... I worry, worry and worry some more. I get nervous about whether she has too many blankets in her crib... whether she is warm enough or if I should go turn off her fan.  Sometimes I even peak in on her to make sure she is still breathing.  Is this normal?  I feel like I am entering motherhood all over again!

The more I have prayed and thought about these fears, I think that the responsibility and heaviness of my love for her is beginning to really sink in.  Although I love the progress and growth that she shows every day, I am so sad to see each stage pass.  It amazes me that in these last two years, I have been so  eager for future stages to take place and now that they have come and gone, I want her to just slow down!  I know that this feeling will only get stronger as she gets bigger, which is why I plan to enjoy each and every laugh, cry, snuggle and even the occasional tantrum.  She is and will forever be my joy.

Lulu is such a happy girl.

My little dancer.

So silly.

1 comment:

The Leiths said...

haha you're finally getting that worry! i check on colby all the time! it drives me crazy when i feel i need to check on him at 4 in the morning. let me know if you want the video monitor back! :)