reflecting on adoption

Over the last year, so much has taken place in my life that has given me a deeper testimony and love for adoption. My life and my prosperity is a product of this beautiful gift from God. Adoption is not just bringing a child into your house and providing "things." Adoption is extending your home, heart and family to another human being. Adoption is giving a child a life and a belonging in this world.

As a child, being adopted wasn't a flaw or a part of my history that I was ashamed to claim. But I also didn't acknowledge the worth that it gave me. Some have asked, "do you ever wonder why your parents/family didn't want you?" At one time in my life, I did ask myself that question and for a second, let myself believe that I was an unwanted child. But then I quickly remembered that I was wanted. My birth parents wanted so much for me to have a life with two parents that provided a life of stability and joy. Then I think of the two individuals that are and always will be my parents. They wanted me so much that they searched, waited and sacrificed for me to be a part of their eternal family. My father and especially my mother experienced long suffering and great loss in their journey to find me. I admire the strength that my mother had to have faith in God and continue on. Without her faith, I would not be the person I am today.

I absolutely love spending time with my father, which is rare these days... but today I was lucky because he took me out to lunch downtown. Just picture an older white guy having lunch at Stanford's with a young Asian girl, about 40 years her senior. To be honest, the unusual dynamic didn't cross my mind but halfway through our meal my dad said, "I bet our waiter is wondering what our relationship is... and how we know each other." We laughed and found pleasure in making the waiter run various scenarios in his head. We also talked about my dad's half brother. I'm always curious about my dad's upbringing and his family as I don't remember my Grandma Milne and never met my Grandpa Milne. I love hearing stories about my dad's childhood and when times were more simple. His stories made me think of my birth family, especially my birth siblings. I have always wondered what it would be like to have family that actually resembled me. I have never experienced that aspect of "family." Although it is a curiosity that I might have to live with for the rest of my life, it is something I think about often. I wonder if we may have similar mannerisms or the same facial expressions. Maybe we have the same type of hair, teeth or even bone structure. The simple physical commonalities that many families have, I have never shared. This aspect of being an adoptee doesn't make me sad or upset, but just makes me wonder who the individuals are in this world that share my DNA. There are possibly women and men on this earth that I may cross paths with in my future and never know that we share something special and unique through lineage. Being adopted makes me extraordinary, but a part of me would someday like to find my birth family and experience what it would be like to look like everyone else in the room.

I am beginning my search today. I may not find my birth family, but I am determined to try.

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